Almost Divorce- Part 20 PJ Spoils Lola

PJ <3's me July 15, 2010 8:58AM

This week I am publishing on Monday for the AD story… Thanksgiving and all you know !

This series is  published no less than once a week on Thursday’s.  Or you can start at the beginning here

A timeline can be found here.

Last time we left off at the  life details he gave me  on this day.   He asks to be able to tuck me in twice that morning.   Then gives me his area code,  nickname,  and tells me  the story of how he and the ex lost a baby just a few months before they broke up.   However, PJ isn’t the only thing I have going on in my life.  The Husband is getting ready to head  out of state to visit his mother,  two of my SIL’s are going with him and one has flown in from CA to make the drive.   He invited me over to dinner at his apartment  so I can see the kids and hang with my SIL’s.  Yes, in spite of the fact that we are  separated at this point, they still want to see me and talk to me.    I don’t  know how long I’m going to stay there after dinner, I could make it home in plenty of time to let PJ tuck me in.  But I am conflicted, I already feel like I am being slightly bamboozled.   Identity is becoming a factor and he doesn’t seem to want to do anything to more concretely solidify it for me. The details he gave me that day go a little way toward helping that, but I still don’t have a last name or anything I can verify with  an online search. This is starting to bother me, but the promise of it coming has more than been implied, so I’m trying to live in the moment.   I have a decision to make.  I decide I am going to the ex’s to have dinner. I want to see my children and I want to  hang with my youngest SIL from CA.  Yes it is going to be a bit awkward,  but I am so very used to awkward at his point it doesn’t really matter.

I send PJ an email letting  him know I am going to the ex’s for dinner.  I don’t know what time I’m coming home and I don’t know if I am going to let him tuck me in.   We haven’t played together in a while, and I miss the closeness.  BUt at the same time I am afraid. When we spend time together I start to have more hope that things will work out and everything will be OK, but I have absolutely no way of knowing  everything will be OK.   Now I don’t remember doing this, but my email references me walking away from him on Monday,  so he could get a full taste of me not in life.  This soon to be much employed method may have actually worked if I was ever able to actually stay away.  I’m not god at forcing myself into things I don’t really want to do anyway.  I want to stay away from him because I don’t really trust him, I need to start getting my mind around what happens when he doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain.

I tell him that if he doesn’t come find me  or doesn’t have the strength to move on or I reach the breaking point then it will rip my heart  out. I tell him that part of me just wants to stay away from him as the more time I spend with him the more time I want to spend with him and it hurts when I can’t have what I want.   This dynamic makes me feel needy, clingy and pathetic.  It makes me think less of myself and  speculate that he thinks less of me.  I don’t like this much turmoil about making a decision.  I wonder if he isn’t capable of handling big decisions, and if he isn’t capable of  working through his issues and landing at a healthy place.   But today he is making   progress.  It’s like every little thing he gives is one more  baby step on the right path, and as long as the tiny crumbs are getting doled out on the right path I am following them.   He’s already told me what the “big” step is going to be.   he is going to get his crap taken care of and call me, we can  take it from there.   I tell him I am unsure, I want to be pursued and he is doing that.  I don’t want  him to feel rejected if I say no and if I can’t do it tonight then I want to be asked again and again.   I promise him I will work on the answer to his question of  “Are you using me to fill a hole left by The Husband?”  I tell him I adore him and send the email, then go on about my day.  He will go  be  ” Julio”, he mows lawns in the summer for extra money.  Stop laughing lovies, at least it wasn’t a paper route, AND, he taught me how to change the spark plug on my lawn mower a few weeks later.  🙂 Plus I like hot sweaty  just got all dirty, and the summer did not disappoint.  Evil grin.

But back to the story…

Mostly I just want to get off the roller coaster of angry, sad and confused. It’s only the beginning of June and I’m already WAY over  feeling this way about PJ. I have enough other ugly feelings roiling around in me with the multitude of things I am currently trying to manage and not completely crack. PJ is supposed to be my safe place.     I’m pretty sure I didn’t let him tuck me in that night. As I recall the SIL’s and I decided to do some celebrating and I  took a pretty long nap in  my guest bedroom furniture that was now The  Husbands bed, then woke up and came home after midnight.

In the morning I was still sad, and  PJ and I had a conversation I have mentioned in partial  before.  For ease I copy pasted this portion directly from that post, forgive the change in format.

LolaGW: wet face  (I’m crying)

PJGW: Oh no love

can i spend some time with you tonight?

LOLAGW: Probably

PJGW: ok

i want to

i wanna sit outside under the same sky and talk with you

LOLAGW: According to this PJGW guy you just want to fuck me lol

but sky sounds nice

PJGW:  well i want that too

but i got to put in my time before I can do that

LOLAGW: yep

i need to trust it’s real

PJGW: I know

we both got issues to work out tho

and were gonna work on them like a team

LOLAGW: Thats all i want to be

a team

PJGW: I know

now cheer up a lil doll

i dont like to see you hurt

or know you hurt

And we are back…

 me: deep breath

when later?

pj: hmm

can’t give you an exact time yet 10-11 ish

me: k

btw

i love this new method

pj: I knew you would

and I’m gonna take  a pic or two for you when I get home to spoil you

cause I haven’t help up my end

me: that makes me happy

cuz no you haven’t

pj: I know

you may get dirty julio tho

me:  oh yum ( sweaty tall dark and hairy Greek God is awesome)

pj:  k  got to run doll

me: k 

For the next however many days I am absolutely spoiled rotten.   PJ spoils me rotten both publicly and privately.   He takes yummy pg13 rated wet in swim trunks picks that he not only sends to me but also posts to  r/gonewild.

It is probably time to talk more about pics and PJ.  It’s Thanksgiving week so it will probably delay the progression of the story a little.  But it’s not like you don’t know how it ends lovies ;-).

I can count on less than one hand the number of times that boy posted on  Reddit.    None of them ever showed  his penis.  Those were reserved for me and i only ever got 2; yes bitches, it was fucking beautiful..duh..have you met me???   It was the first pics I’d gotten since end of  April when we  were at white hot and he sent me a pic of what I’d be spending time with later on cam.    The very first pic PJ ever sent me was in early April of him laying in bed and looking at me with his cute smile and bed head.     PJ was a pretty good photographer, it must of been the art  part of him.   I don’t have that many pics of him.   But the ones I do have mean something.  We spent a lot of time on camera together, you get used to seeing certain things.  It’s kind of like going over to someones house, the place starts to feel familiar. You may even become incredibly attached to a certain spot on a friends couch.  For PJ and I this was no different, just the view was more like watching the same TV show over and over.  The way the light  changes the view depending on the time of day.   When PJ sent pics they weren’t just random; I know you love to look at my nipples  baby so here they are every hour on the hour to the whole day; pics.   For the record I never did that, but I did once do a whole week of Bobbies on Reddit. yes, Bobbies.  I typed Boobies wrong the first day, and  everyone was already used to Lolaease, so I just went with the running joke and took the ribbing for the week.    PJ sent pics that were more art and emotion than lust.  Things like his hands making  a heart symbol,  the same one he’d make on cam in  the rooms for me, in front of everyone.   Or he’d send a pic of the moon, or the corn behind the barn that led to  the pond.  He’d send pics of his face and smile or him  leaving my  “spot” open in his bed.  The 2nd and last pic he sent me of his dick was not lust filled, it was emotional.   PJ laying in bed spent, drops of cum on his tummy in the morning light.  My favorite view.   PJ didn’t send pics to show me he how much I turned him on; oh-look I was thinking of you baby and my dick got hard.  He sent pics to tell me how much he was thinking of me.  Woke up this morning missing you.    I sent both kinds of pics to him, and probably at a ratio of 50 to 1 if a count was ever conducted.  It wasn’t, and all that electronic poison has been off my computer for some time.  I am going to share this with you though, (above). I am sharing because it is a beautiful, artful and emotional shot.   I share it because it does not divulge his identity and I share it because this hand signal is pretty universal.   This forum isn’t going to do it justice as it is a scan of a  hard copy removed from my journal.  So translation has been made twice.

I leave you with the J.E.W.  song for this post until next Thursday lovies. Please go have an amazing week with those  who you love and those who love you.