I’ve been through various stages of dating since I became single two years ago and recently I encountered a Catfish on Tinder. While I enjoy a good trip to emotional Fantasy Island every now and then, I don’t interact with a Fauxmeo once I figure it out and most of the time the profile is the giveaway. This is their job, they have a process and a rhythm to their game, and some of them are very good. The full scam works like this; gain your emotional and fiscal trust as quickly as possible. Get your money by first convincing you to either give them a little bit of yours or take some of theirs. This will happen via convoluted emergency and he needs some money to be able to get to you or for his sick kid etc. Or out of he’s going to take care of you baby. He wants to convince you to open a new bank account, or deposit his money into your current bank account, keep some and send the rest back to him. Once he has your bank information he waits a tiny bit and then cleans out your account. Now you don’t have to delete your Tinder profile and swear off internet dating. There are a lot of quality real men out there so don’t shut them off just because of a few bad fish. Fauxmeo’s screw up all the time and in pretty obvious ways. Armed with your Warrior Goddess confidence , a few tips and a healthy attitude of trust and verify; you can continue to navigate online dating and know when to cut Fauxmeo loose.
How to spot Fauxmeo
He’s hot and he’s hot to talk
- His profile is going to have 3 or less pictures, the miles might be multiple thousands away, the profile itself will either be blank or of the “this guy is the one in a million” variety. The pictures are of handsome tall men so at least your Fauxmeo will be a looker. He will move to his cell phone asap and may unmatch you so you cannot have any contact with him on the dating site. He will move you from texting to calling to email asap as well. He wants to have as much info and access to you as possible
- His location is a constant convolution and he won’t be able to see you until some future. He’s Australian, working in Syria for the US Government. He’s British working in the US but went to school in Scotland. He’s Scottish, born in England, but lives in CA but his kid lives where you do. He also travels for work so this weekend he’s in Texas or London but he’s coming your way soon. Fauxmeo will fuck up his time zones, or his climate/weather will be off in conversation or pics or the coffee shop doesn’t look like Texas or why is he driving on the right side of the car in his selfie. Pay attention to the details of what someone is telling you as well as what they are saying. It’s hard to juggle multiple clients at once and keep it all straight.
- He calls you more than he texts. His accent isn’t what country he said or his voice doesn’t match his picture. When he talks to you he goes back and forth between telling you how amazing you are, telling you his back sob story to set precedent for why he’s going to need money, or seeing how quickly he can gain your trust and get you under his control. If a man is telling you when to eat, sleep, bathe or call he’s not caring and nurturing he’s controlling you. Most of us can see right through this bullshit, but the way he will try this will be suave, so push back and wait to hear the edge in his voice or notice the way he pushes your no. Does he ever accidentally call or text you the wrong name, or from a different ( and totally new location) phone? Does the phone sound like you’re calling a call center, delays or echos like an international call? Does he have what sounds like multiple phones because you hear ringing in the background or he has to go to take an important call all the time? Pay attention to what’s going on in the background of the calls, does that not sound like an airport? I think you get the picture.
- He brings up money right away. Some pretend to have dire straights, but others bring it up in a he has some kind of way. He alludes or outright cops to a great job, he’s intelligent and he can talk his way around the industry and other job details. He wants to know how much money you make, or have or spend. He wants to know if you like surprises, your perfume, favorite flower. If you talk to him long enough he may start sending you gifts and flowers.
Fauxmeo the Love Guru
- When he texts he sends love songs and tells you how he feels about you all the time and then he asks for your email and starts sending you “love letters”. Read Fauxmeo’s letters a few times. Once because who doesn’t enjoy some sappy love shit, twice to clear the emotional hormones and really look a the verbiage. Do they read like someone was talk to texting while driving, is the phrasing and vocabulary off, does it read like Instagram love quotes vomited in your inbox? Fauxmeo wants into your pocketbook, not your pants. He’s not asking you for nude selfies, he not sexting you all day long at the office. He doesn’t have time for that shit either bc he’s busy working as many other potential clients as he can. But he is telling you how hot he is for you, misses your voice, dreamed about you last night, has always been searching for you or that he can’t wait to meet you. It feels like a tsunami of love coming your way because it is, but it probably also feels too soon and too creepy. Because it’s riding on a tide of bullshit, he’s never even met you.
Don’t take the trip to Fantasy Island any longer than necessary Lovies. And please don’t beat yourselves up if you stumble upon one for longer than you’d like. It’s important to remain open and loving as we search for a partner, but make sure you give everyone the sniff test. Fauxmeo isn’t going to pass. Good luck out there!
Tonight’s culinary events are simple Betty Crocker Hollandaise and a goat cheese, bacon, dill Hollandaise concoction. We are having bacon, scrambled eggs and grilled asparagus for dinner!