Almost Divorce- Part 9 The TimelinePosted: 2011/09/08
This series is published once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
I have that phrase written up at the top of almost all of the pieces of this AD story. It is so far, not counting the Zinnia and Sunflower time lapse pics, the only story to have multiple installments. It is broken apart for a lot of reasons, most of which revolve around your reading and my writing comfort. It is too large, lengthy and complicated to manage in one sitting, unless you are a glutton for overworking your mind , in which case carry on.
I wrote recently about being at a crossroads with this story, that I was stuck. But I realize now that I was just waiting for something to settle in, waiting for a few more things to unlock before I proceeded, waiting for some additional time to pass from the end of the story, and waiting until the anniversary of the climax ( PJ’s identity fake) was over. I was taking time to breathe, to be, to live. The intention for this series has always been for it to have an end, just another story on this blog, but one that took a while to tell.
I’ve been stuck at that crossroads because timeline wise we are on the precipice of chat. We are there actually, stepping into the rail yard where I will keep searching without knowing that is what I’m doing until I find a young pretty Greek crazy train and willingly get on it, take it for a hell of ride, crash it a few times and eventually watch it all suck in and vomit back out around me, then put myself and my life all back together again, but not in the exact same way. So in the interest of giving sense of time and space, I have created a timeline for the story. Now you can see where it started, where it is and where it is headed based on what piece of it each week brings. In telling it I have to set the foundation to educate those of you with no background or understanding of online playing. I have the marriage and what went on with that, the online and what went on with that, the me and the kids and what went on with that, and the lessons of grace and hindsight to apply to it all and share. It is the timeline that guides the story and dictates where it goes next.
The Almost Divorce Timeline:
The quick and dirty
r/gonewild and Gone wild chat: Round 1- December 2009 though June 2010 Round 2- December 2010-May 2011
PJ- April 2010-August 2010, December 2010
The Husband- Moved out May 2010- In October 2010, still here 🙂
Big Guy- February 2011-May 2011
All the detials
Summer 2007 start to have questions and doubts about life and life choices
Summer 2009 festering is about to boil over
November 2009 Reddit r/gonewild starts
December 2009-Chat starts
Winter/Spring 2010– The Husband agrees to marriage counseling and we begin doing that weekly, then bi weekly, then monthly, then not at all because we are getting divorced. Meanwhile I become more and more entrenched and addicted to GW and Chat.
April 2010 Meet PJ in a public chat room. Discover there are mutual feelings going on. Rules are still GW playtime rules, so this obviously causes some Husband and PJ drama.
May 2010 The Husband tells me over Mothers Day Weekend I am getting a divorce , then proceeds to change his mind and start fighting for me on Monday by sending PJ and email and demanding he stay away from me. I spend May trying to decide if I want a divorce or a separation, having my first fight with PJ, trying to stay away from him and make sure I’m not getting divorced just b/c of him. It’s a freaking mess and his first chance to run, but he goes no where. The Husband and I work out all the mediation and non contested divorce decree details. The Husband moves out over Memorial Day Weekend. Custody schedule and child support schedule starts. I start individual counseling once a week, then every other week, then monthly. Then not at all.
Early June 2010– The Husband and I sign the paperwork for the divorce, but I don’t file yet.
June 2010 Leave chat. PJ leaves public and convinces me to leave with him. It’s not hard because I know I have a problem and am ready to do something about it. I leave public and then GWP. I would pop in for a lurk or a visit, but never stayed long and was often gone for weeks, or months in the case of public, at a time. Chat was always a potential link to seeing PJ, so it becomes a portal later. The kids start their own counseling. The friends choose Team Lola or Team The Husband, some choose both. Some don’t choose as expected… I read the cell phone bill in detail b/c of an over charge. I then throw a soul mate friend out of my life after discussing the bill and its revelations with The Husband. In the girl code loyalty is everything. This friend chose the wrong team, played double agent and divulged my secrets to my husband. Dead to me and a bigger betrayal than what PJ did.
June 21, 2010 PJ ends things rather than move them forward, that weekend the I wasn’t going to do that fight happens, the last name is given, his first real gmail account is nuked into oblivion. Something in me severs, because I am dumped if you will via G-chat without even a cam on. And even in my state of driving the crazy train I am not that stupid.
June 28, 2010 am– PJ starts again with the just give me time BS and I start repeatedly getting on the what is the state of the current or future PJ/Lola union ride. I also file for divorce on this day. Yes I wish he’d stayed gone too lovies, but really I filed because at this point I was ready to move on without either of them.
Week of June 28– I decide I’m going to start dating, I politely inform, under the guise of asking his permission, PJ this is how the new world order is going to work and I put a profile on Match.com. Start talking to and dating new people. Basically refuse to give much detail about any of this to PJ or The Husband and start living my life. Yes in fact this does introduce one more thing about dudes for me to manage during this time.
July 2010 I repeatedly ride the PJ roller coaster cycle of crazy hoping for a different outcome each time, date new dudes, work on self in therapy and use dating as my lab for my working on myself experiments. PJ starts counseling, creates a new real gmail account and generally pretends he’s getting his stuff together for me while reaping the rewards of my iphone skills. The Husband continues to fight for me. I’m no longer dealing with a chat addiction and I start dealing with my PJ addiction and the other things being a divorcing single parent brings.
July 19, 2010 The Husband tells me he thinks PJ is not who he says he is, so we look who he thinks he is up on the internet, and then we argue about his .edu email and whether or not he is in the student/staff directory for the college he is supposedly attending/working at. I throw The Husband out b/c I am tired of the push me pull you between the two of them. When I tell PJ he freaks the hell out because The Husband is looking for him. And I become fed up with him as well.
July 20, 2010 I tell PJ I don’t want to talk to him or see him at all for the next 8 weeks. I tell The Husband he is not allowed to say a WORD to me about getting back together for 8 weeks. I am done with the push me pull you BS between PJ and The Husband, tired of the games PJ is playing and generally ready to consider kicking some ass and take some names in my new life, without either of them (or any of the match dudes) in it. The problem with this is I can never stay away from PJ for very long and things like the “he’ll just have to love my kids” discussions happen. But my gut is taking more and more control as I get healthier and healthier.
August 2010 More dating, more working on myself and healing, no more chat and very limited pic action. The 90 days to final divorce is coming at the end of the month. One Sunday, I have a horrible epiphany of sweet clarity and I literally beg God to get me away from PJ, this is what I want I pray, to be rid of the poison of him. God delivers quickly and without any question as to outcome.
August 23-25 2010 The nails go into PJ’s coffin one by one. He isn’t showing up in the edu directory, he claims he isn’t in classes, I tell him not to contact me until he gets his life together and can provide a concrete identity. I then stumble upon degreeverify.org from his school’s web site and I checkout both his undergrad and grad school claims. Best $13 I ever spent. First the undergrad no comes in, then the next morning the grad school no comes in. What I always knew is proven without a doubt. The dude is a total fraud and probably a sociopath. Still, I loved him and it reels me.
August 25, 2010 The world as I know it is over, he nukes all of his online accounts, all of his emails. The only he can’t nuke is skype. Fucking Skype...
September 2010 Healing, baby steps in the reconciliation, set backs in the reconciliation, more baby steps, more set backs. You know the usual. If ever a point in my journey where my grief was at its worst it was here in this month. I spent it crying, sometimes multiple times a day.
October 2010 The Husband moves back in never to leave, same for the kids moving back in full time. We begin to work very hard at our reconciliation and at crafting our life post almost divorce.
December 6, 2010 I demand around 9:30 am to God to bring him back and give me answers. ( I am so stubborn) I get home from a meeting to find out from a friend he’s shown up on Skype. I want to puke but hold it together, for about an hour.
December 2010 PJ and I are contacts on skype, I requested him and he added me. We never have a chat or conversation of any kind. He shows up in chat and gets on cam. I don’t ever see him there, I start to pop in again, in the hopes of answers. They don’t come, he either isn’t in chat at all or he’s lurking. Dude is clearly a sociopath. I mean really….
December 2010- February 2011 Chat, Oh I’ll just see if I can nail PJ, oops it’s a mild relapse. I call it a relapse because I was addicted to it previously and needed it to learn that I cannot go to chat at all. This stint in chat helped me heal from PJ, and discover more things about myself. I also had a much better time in chat this round. No stable of boys or pursuit of playmates. Though I do still have fans, this round is mostly about hanging out and having fun and conversation. My top two love languages are Quality Time in the form of good conversation and words of affirmation. Both are plentiful and quickly accessible in chat. But I stay too long and…..
March 2011-May 2011 The Big Guy- yep it’s the rebound GW guy. He knew of me during chat round 1 and my time with him gets me over PJ and opens my eyes to a few last things about myself I need to realize for long term self and marriage maintenance. He helped me greatly with my recovery process and is very very real, though I never touched him. He hates me; his prerogative, but I wish him only well and feel I have owned and apologized appropriately.
The Husband and I are living adventures and beautiful disasters ever after…. I repeatedly choose him and I am glad I do.
Today I am so grateful for everything I have in my life. I’m grateful for the forgiveness of God and my Husband. I’m thankful I forgave myself and Paul and thankful even for the journey itself.
I’m thankful I get to share more of my story and lessons learned with you lovies next Thursday.