Respect the run: Less than 3 weeks till race day with confidence issues.Posted: 2012/04/17
Hello Lovies! Somehow I am less than 3 weeks until race day. We run our 12 miles tomorrow night and then it is taper time. Nothing super long until race day on Cinco de Mayo! I’m excited, but I am also more than scared of this race. I’m scared because I don’t know which legs I will have on race day, the ones that can push through long miles or the ones that can’t complete a 4. Yes, I am still struggling with the shorter miles. I’m starting to worry and it affecting my mojo. Now I know that worst case scenario I will still finish the race, even if I have crawl across that finish line I’ll get there. I wanted to do “well” though, and at this point, a day after I had to walk most of a 4, and I cut it short to a 3.46. This sport is so mind over matter driven and some days my mind just can’t exert its will over the matter of my body. That’s been my burden ever since that awful 10k run in March. I’m not mad, or sad or even that worked up about it, I suppose worry is the main component here. I start to play the what if game, It’s dangerous. What if I can’t figure out why I keep having stupid muscle issues, why do my thighs have to be so stubborn, why did I get through two previous 13.1 training sessions with none of these issues, why I am having them now? This isn’t a rant per se, more curious reflection. I could cross train more, but I don’t. I could stretch and roll more, but I don’t. I could eat better, drink more water, but I don’t. For someone with such a strong will I seem to struggle a lot this running season. In a moment of I’m a badass I signed up for a 3rd race , the Rock and Rock Half in Chicago in July. I have my sights on choosing a 4th for this year in town in either October or November, I told some friends if I was healthy I’d do the Geist Half, a mere 5 weeks away and I’m so iffy on it I haven’t even put it in my mental count of races this year. My mind and attitude are willing, but my body is just not cooperating. I don’t mind being “slow”, I’m faster than some and even faster than those who don’t do anything. It just seems that my body shouldn’t be this weak after so much training. I refuse to head to a sports doc until after the race b/c I don’t want bad news. I bet sports docs are jam packed the week after the Mini, so waiting seems counter intuitive. I dunno, shrugs, mostly just random thoughts pouring out here this morning. I know I will run the race, I know I’ve run more straight miles without stopping in this training series than I ever have in the past. The first one I had an injury during training and had to sit out 6 weeks, still knocked it out in under 3 hours. The 2nd one was run/walk intervals with more walking than running, still knocked it out in under 3 hours. I wanted this one to be better, faster, stronger and only time and the work ahead of me is going to tell how it will turn out.
Like so many other things in life, the only way out is through. I’m good at going through. I must keep reminding myself of the things I tell others. You are a warrior, don’t ever forget that. I am a warrior, I need to remember that. It will all be fine, it will be over before I know it and I’ll have one more shiny medal to hang on my trophy wall. In a few more months I”ll have another and another a few short months after that. I won’t ever be an elite runner and I am not striving for that level of excellence. I’d just like to feel more like the serious runner Process ( I love that girl) called me the other day. I never thought of myself as a serious runner, I have a few friends I’d put in that category but for some reason I hadn’t slated myself there. It was a nice POV check and a bit of an ego boost. Someone out there thinks I’m a serious runner. Ok then, time to go get that!!! More running shenanigans to come as we get closer to race day #1 for the season!