This series is published no less than once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
A timeline can be found here.
Sunday night arrives and I’m finally able to get out of bed for more than a few minutes. I notice that I miss him less and less with the limited contact we have. I quit smoking the week prior, something he hates that I do and he has declared as his first project once he is “here”. I’ll quit when you show up is what I always told him. I decided to just go ahead and do it on my own. I know he is back at school, he is still pretending that its BSU, but I’ve been searching the database daily and he isn’t showing up. If he is there he isn’t enrolled in classes. All I want to do is get over him and have my heart back, I still don’t know if I want to put my family back together. It seems easier to simply proceed with the plan at this point. All wheels are in motion for my divorce to be final by the 28th, it is the 22nd. I’ve got 6 days to get the final changes we have discussed into the Divorce Decree, have him meet me at a bank to get it notarized, then all I have to do is drop it off at the courthouse anytime after the 28th and within a few days or so I will be divorced. After I put the kids in bed the big wet rolling can’t stop crying tears come. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, and sleep is only gained from glorious drugs and exhaustion from being sick.
Monday the 23rd comes. In the morning he is green on g-chat but not talking to me, I realize I told him not to, but still it pissed me off. I remember sitting there and using my two fingers to pretend to squish his little green light between them like a bug, wishing it was his head. Later than day he emails me, hope you had a good weekend and are keeping up with the quitting. I resist the urge to reply then he chat me and I cave but not much is said. It sucks being in a place where you know shit is about to get very real and all you can do is buckle in for the ride. I had no idea the crash I was in for within a few short days.
Tuesday the 24th comes, I have plans to meet the husband at the bank on Wednesday at noon to sign the final papers. I respond shortly to his email I did. I am. Are you enrolled in school? At this point he has to know the noose is closing around his neck. I don’t hear back until later in the day and I use my day wisely. I check the BSU database again and he isn’t there. So I call the school. The current year’s info isn’t reported to The National Student Clearinghouse’s Degree Verify yet and so I get the registrar guy to do some manual look ups for me. I have a first name, middle name, last name, DOB, years he should of been there and what he is supposedly studying. The guy spends some time on the phone with me but comes up with nothing. Nobody with that last name at all. A few with the first name but no last name match. I decide it is time to tighten the belt on the BGP and I put two inquiries into Degree Verify, one for Notre Dame as undergrad and one to Ball State University for grad school. $6.50 per inquiry and the best $13 I ever spent. Why didn’t I think of this much, much sooner I don’t know, I was in a haze of love struck stupidity and obstinate hanging on. all I can do now is wait and see what happens, it is out of my control. I have God on my side so I know whatever happens I will be ok, and I already knew what the answer was going to be in my heart. I also knew HE was never going to tell me he was lying. I had no concept of the far reaching consequences discovering this lie would have on my soul, but I knew I was ready for whatever. I was in battle form, bring it mother fucker. He replies to me email on Tuesday night that not yet I’m sitting in on some classes this week to see what I want to do. Uhhuh, sure you are. I see red, give it about 4 minutes and respond. Trying out a few classes my ass, how stupid does he think I still am? You do realize how bad that looks. Why don’t you not contact me again util you have your shit toegther. And once upon a time when that happens you can do so by verifying your identity in a concrete way. I really don’t think that is too unreasonable on my part at this point in the game. Good luck on your journey.
I am feeling strong and confident, almost smug even. I may have finally won this game. This sick little twisted game I’d been a willing participant in for almost 5 months. I wake up on Wednesday with plans to head to the bank at noon, then the Notre Dame results come in first at 10:11am, an excerpt.
Status: Unable to confirm by the information you provided
Because the information you provided did not match any records in our database, we asked the school to research your request. The school was unable to locate either a degree or enrollment record for the subject of your verification request.
I feel shock, awe, incredulity, anger. I am simply shell shocked and stupefied. I call The Husband and give him the news, I tell him I am not up to the bank today, I need to figure out WTF is going on and I am waiting for BSU response to come in. The next 5 or so hours are some of the longest in my life. I am suspended in mid air, just waiting. Maybe only Notre Dame is a lie I bargain with myself, mayb eit will all be ok. I know it won’t be. 3:46 PM the nail in his coffin arrives. He doesn’t exist at BSU in any capcity either. Same deal.
Status: Unable to confirm by the information you provided
Because the information you provided did not match any records in our database, we asked the school to research your request. The school was unable to locate either an enrollment record for the subject of your verification request.
The good news is while I was waiting for the nail in the coffin I crafted the why did you pick my life to ruin and how could you be so evil for NOTHING email. One last thing was the title. I shoot it off within 3 minutes of getting the BSU results. I suppose I could of slept on it, tried to be more cunning and play the game or fuck with him some, but that wasn’t what I asked God for and it wasn’t what I wanted or needed. Here is what I know, I asked and prayed and God delivered swiftly and with force. There would be no wiggle room in this end.
I’m going to leave this here for now. If this was the movie it would be the part where everything gets really really quiet, then goes black because the world is about to suck into a vortex and spit back out in a catastrophic mess. I sit here now in this moment writing this with very little emotion other than smug satisfaction of a job well done while Mike Doughty plays His Truth is Marching On, randomly and in perfect timing on my itunes.
THANK YOU GOD!
More to come soon Lovies, thanks for sticking with me as the ride has its final crash, the only left to write about is the sorting through the wreckage and pick up the pieces of my life and put it back together.
PS. The next song was Brittney’s Criminal. LOL for real!
I may be listening to the girls of summer in the car. But it’s the boys who are getting my concert funds this year. I used to go to lots of concerts, and then we had kids and our concert going was relegated to only those bands we can’t live without. I’d get to go to one show for a birthday present each year and sometimes we would get a sitter and go together. The Husband and I were discussing our personal and shared concert history with the Bad Gurls the morning after Motley Crue. I was shocked at how many I’d attended or had forgotten I’d gone to and was sufficiently moved to getting my list down. I’m sure I will not have dates or years correct or even be able to remember the whole list on the first pass but here goes.
- My first concert was my junior year of High School during a HUGE ice storm. It was Great White and Whitesnake. My girl friends took me for my Birthday and we sat behind boys from by boyfriend’s High School and I thrashed my neck and head so much it hurt for days after. That was the year my parents completely blew off my 17th Birthday, a la 16 Candles.
- My Sophomore year of college I went to Vanilla Ice and some not yet big New Edition like group, and got back stage. But that is another story.
- Mick and I went to Summerfest one year. I saw some bands and got the straps of my bibs wet in the port-o- potty. I did not care. That entire trip was a good time. Come to think of it in the 2.5 years we spent together Mick and I saw a lot of concerts.
- Poe opened for Seven Mary Three. All I remember is she came out on that stage right after Little Red Wagon. The smoke started to clear from around her little go go booted blond body and she started singing Hello, she followed that up with Angry Johnny and I was HOOKED! Her Music still gives me chills.
- Sarah McLachlan 2-3x
- Garbage 2x
- Alanis Morisette
- Soul Coughing– 1x plus 1x Mike Doughty. The first Soul Coughing show I was up on the 2nd row in a smaller Venue ( the same one I met Tex the ex from FB in) with my yes I’m going to be staying here and you aren’t going to fuck with me smile. I had the Husband with me and had already made friends with all the other guys also in the front rows. I think I might of been pregnant with MiniMe because I distinctly remember three things from that concert. 1. I was very well guarded from being jostled by more boys than just The Husband. 2. Mike Doughty touched me and looked me in the eyes 3. I have the set list from that show
- Nine Inch Nails and a Perfect Circle
- Everclear with Avion
- Tom Petty
- John Michael Montgomery
- Bloodhound Gang
- I’ll have to leave a TBR space here, and I’ll add more as I remember them.
Last year along with the reawakening of my appetite for new music was the reawakening of my appetite for going to shows! I wanted to go see John Mayer and Paramore and should of taken besties to both, but didn’t. Once The Husband moved back in we agreed more concerts would be in our future. So from that moment on I have been to:
30 Seconds to Mars where I also discovered New Politics. That was a gift from The Husband who was supposed to go with his sister. The SIL and I were close prior to the divorce and so he sent us on a girl date. He hung up the phone after clearing with her looked at me and said “Well, go get hot”. And so I did. It was the first time I’d been out out since I had started running and losing weight and I felt great that night. The SIL is a beautiful dish who can out drink most men and we had no problems making friends and getting a good safe spot to the Jared Leto action. It was awesome to hear him scream my songs from the past summer and new ones I would later add to my collection. The SIL and I had a great night going out afterwards and spending lots of time talking about what the past year had been like. We needed and wanted that time to reconnect and we were both glad for it.
Jimmy Eat World: The SIL and I went to this one as well. It was winter and full cold here. We drove 1.5 hours away and back in one night. This band was the big show for me. Jimmy Eat World Faster was the first JEW song PJ sent me and I had pretty much stuck to Bleed American. He claimed to have seen them 8 times live, but he also claimed that for Something Corporate so really who knows. They released Invented but I didn’t know it and The Husband gave it to me. I loved it and quickly gobbled up the rest of their collection. The very early stuff is not my thing, but there are 122 JEW items in my Top Rated Itunes play list. I couldn’t pick a standing top 5 if I had to, it depends on the day really. As a side note Lefty calls JEW “Freddy Eats Breakfast”. I’m in my air cast for my stress fracture but I’m still feeling pretty cute that night as it is a good hair and good butt night. We make it there just in time to get a big drink and a good spot on the floor and out come JEW and proceeds to rock my world for the next hour plus. And they NAIL almost all my top ten. Not only that but there are no PJ sightings of any kind and I am not nearly as emotional about any of it as I thought I might be.
Cake: This was my 2nd Cake show. Cake comprises 51 items on above mentioned play list. But do not let that number make you think I like them less than JEW, Cake is a long term relationship with a band. JEW is just the pretty sad and regretful boy who met the need at the time and might show to have lasting power. I discovered Cake while living with Mick. When I met The Husband he wooed me with Stabbing Westward but he loved Cake as much or more than I did. If a couple can share a band, The Husband and I would share Cake and maybe a very nearly close is Soul Coughing. I have discovered that lots of boys online also like Cake, and if you can discuss Cake to the level I can, this makes them like you even more. Even with all of that it STILL doesn’t change the fact that Cake is The Husband and I’s band. My favorite Cake song is Jolene, which that grumpy bastard didn’t play that night. Their opening band was not there so Cake had to open for Cake. It was a great show that I managed to wear 5 inch stilettos 85 % of the way through. I love dressing up and being taken out by my super handsome and cute Husband. He’s tall dark and hairy, bigger but fit just how I like my men. I did marry him in the first place after all.
Motley Crue and Poison: I have to admit that I don’t remember going to a single all out 80’s rock show since that very first one. And that is a darn shame because this show was amazing. The Husband and I opened up Lola’s Bed and Breakfast for BGC and friends. I was super excited because I was looking forward to the trip down memory lane that Poison and Motley Crue would bring. I was a teenager during this hey day. These are the songs of my youth. It seems everyone within 5 years of my age either way is headed to this show. It is at an outdoor venue on a Saturday night of a 3+ day Fourth of July weekend in the United States of America. There is NO better time and place to see a rock show than under these very circumstances. To make it sweeter it is hot and humid and sweaty, but there is a breeze and a storm coming and just as it starts to get darker and Poison is finishing up and Motley. mother. fucking. Crue. comes on. Just at that moment the sky opens up and God puts forth a lightning show complete with a nice stiff cool breeze of wind. The show goes on all night long until even as we were walking to where The Husband was picking us up. Tommy Lee’s drums were literally on a roller coaster and the lights and screen and girls amazing. And the lyrics were just how I remembered them all and I got to be there with girls from my High School. These are the songs of their youth too. My only regret was I could not get the hair as large as would have been fun. The day just had too much put into it and I ran out of time to do much prior than throw on eye make-up and a suitable outfit. We tried to hook up or meet up with other groups but in the end everyone did their own thing. I bet if I asked them they’d say that rock show with that God provided lightning show was the best of either show they’d seen. And I would agree.
Coming later this year so far is:
- Kid Rock and Cheryl Crow
- Train and Maroon 5
- Jack’s Mannequin
- Alkaline Trio ( 3.5 hours away, we have tickets to 1 of 2 nights, may get scalped ones for night two)
- Journey, Foreigner, Night Ranger