Today in the middle of an awful all day work meeting, near the end of an awful work and frustrating personal week I got the voice mail no one wants. The call from the mammo lab that says you need to call us right back. So I excused myself and found a quiet corner in the conference center. My mammo shows changes in my left breast from last year and I need to go back ASAP when the Radiologist is on site to get more images. The time choices were limited, getting there around traffic, work and family schedule is difficult but I managed to find a time and booked it. I sat back for a minute and let it all sink in. My entire life seems to revolve around how well I can control and maneuver things to success, to pull them out of chaos and turmoil. I called my husband, I asked for prayers on Facebook and I went back to doing my thing. Later I was walking back from taking care of another overdue task on my list and simply noticed this. A sunset. Peace hit me. I can not influence even a tiny bit of the outcome or timeline of this situation. I’m actually ok with that. My entire life I’ve lived with the statistical likelihood that I will someday get breast cancer. This is probably nothing. The right breast has already been carved on and turned out just fine. I could have cancer, but if I do it doesn’t change all that much. I already run, I already work, I already love, laugh and live.
As I snapped this picture I briefly let myself reflect on a worst case scenario. Followed by thoughts of any loose ends that need tending. Then I smiled because there aren’t any. I’ve closed every known Karma loop, I’ve had my say to those that needed it whether to silence or mutual healing. I’m happy with who I am, where I am and confident that all those I love and care for close and far away know it. What more can I ask for? Why be afraid? Perspective.