WTF Children’s Place.. I think we need a break, I’m seeing other storesPosted: 2011/10/01 Filed under: Lovies | Tags: Children Place, Girl Code, Gymboree, Old Navy Leave a comment
I went to The Children Place (TCP) today… Quite likely for the last time. But this story doesn’t really start today, this is strike two in several months.
Here is a lesson in what I call “catch and release” shopping. I do a lot of catch and release shopping. Mostly due to time and sanity boundaries. I’ll use the first strike against The Children’s Place to illustrate.
Back in August I needed to do some Back to School shopping. I have uber skinny kids. MiniMe is 55 pounds and the Destroyer is 38 . He just turned 6 today and is 48″ tall, MiniMe is exactly one month away from 9 and she is 52.5 inches tall. This means I have been buying slim size jeans, always from somewhere that also has the elastic pull them tighter options and in some cases pulling the elastic ALL the way to the end and then having to loop it back on itself so the ends are not so long. The no weight to above average height equation is always tricky with these two. I’ve never been happier that super skinny jeans are the fashion these days, but I digress.
I headed mall alone to attempt to accomplish 5 hours of shopping in less than 2. Did I already mention that none of this luxurious shopping was for me? There are several stores for kids all clustered together at this mall and I moved efficiently from one to the next. I had my coupons and discount codes all organized and with me. I bought what I liked and what I thought the kids would like. Rinse repeat, repeat through about 4 stores. Old Navy carries Slim fit, but good luck ever finding any in the size you need actually in the any Old navy you shop at. Crazy 8 carries slim cut in their stores. Same with Justice and Gymboree. The Children’s Place, however, does not. I seem to recall that maybe they used to, but I could be making that up in my head. Here is what I can tell you about jeans. It doesn’t matter what the tag says, until you try them on you have no idea how they really fit and if they will work. When I was “done” with BTS Shopping I had enough clothes to outfit at least two families of kids. The Catch…
Then I have to lug it all home, and proceed to torture myself, the Husband and the children with…I need you to try this all on. Big seasonal shopping fashion shows like this also involve going through all of the remains from last year to determine what is still usable. It is a large endeavor and no one enjoys this, least of all me. They get cranky after about the 3rd outfit. I get cranky because they are rifling through all of the “cool ” clothes and screwing with my carefully laid out system of trying to keep this all organized, documented as to what we need and what we have, making sure they don’t rip the tags of of anything. Once we have accomplished the 1+ hours of all of that then I gather up what I am not keeping and decide if I am keeping it for later . (I’ll do another post on the skill/game of buying clothes a year ahead from this year’s clearance) Then I need to locate the receipts, get the don’t want/need items back into the original bags and find time in my life to drive to the mall that actually has the store I need to get to and make my returns. The Release….
This year’s ungrateful whiny children fashion show extravaganza ended in quite a large return to TCP. I had returns at Justice and Crazy 8 as well. I purchased the clothes at the Store near Shorty’s house, and even though we have a TCP within walking/running distance of my house I did all my returns one weekend night with the family in tow. Here are the details of those transactions.
TCP- I caught two giant bags of clothing. Including roughly 10+pairs of jeans. All of these stores like to play these games with coupons and ” you have to come back to use them bucks” to convince me that I really NOT paying too much for kids clothing. I participate willingly in their little schemes and do not attempt to defraud them with fancy schmancy return schemes I’m too busy/tired to concoct. I’d earned a Denim Buck for each pair of denim I caught. The stack was still stapled to the receipt in the bag. I walk in with one (that’s one less than two) bag full of the denim I am returning. I kept all of the shirts I bought and one pair of jeggings MiniMe has yet to actually wear; preferring instead to wear whatever looks like no one loves her when getting dressed for school. She saves the really fancy nice stuff for sliding down the neighbors 2 ton dirt pile. I walk into the store, tell the nice lady I have a return and I have my receipt, and that I know that I will need to give her BACK the denim bucks I have earned that I now, due to the return, didn’t really earn. This was a very long receipt and the nice lady had to go through the part of HER JOB where she looks up the items I am returning and matches them to the slip. As I am setting the piles of jeans up on the counter she actually has the nerve to say to me something along the lines of “did you actually keep anything” . It doesn’t matter what she said, her tone was snotty and she was insinuating I am somehow a less desirable shopper because I had the audacity to return things, WITH A RECEIPT, to her store. I look her dead in the eyes and say, ” You don’t carry slims in your store and these do not fit my children, you need to carry slims cut in your stores”. “I can give you a coupon for free shipping.” she counters. I again look directly at her and state, ” There are two stores on either side of you that DO manage to carry slims in their stores and they got my business.” Now I’m not mean and nasty to sales people, I am polite and direct. But you aren’t going to make me feel like I’m not good enough to shop at the freaking TCP b/c you can’t be bothered to meet my needs.
The nice lady that closed the night before when I was in there was working again. She happily took my return and said that yes, their clothes do run a littel bigger and that maybe I could try the sales rack behind her for the next size down. I spent more time looking through the clearance racks for both kids and walked out with about as much $$ wise as I returned at TCP, but WAY more clothes. Thanks Crazy 8!
The Lola family has professional family pictures tomorrow. Last night we did Catch shopping for MiniMe, the Husband and myself. Today I had MiniMe perform the do I have to try this one again game and it yielded the need to return things at TCP. I went to the store nearby and quickly picked out the new sizes, things I needed and got in line for the transaction. Once again I had the receipt. The little girl asked to see my Drivers License to do the return. I don’t like it when stores do that, but plenty do so I got my wallet out and set it on the counter for her. Usually they take a look at it and that is that. Not so here. She performed her job of matching up the returned items to the receipt and then TOLD ( not asked) me I needed to get it out. I attempt but it’s not budging, she finally has pity on me and says it is ok she can use it in the wallet. Then she proceed to ring up the transaction, during which she takes my wallet/ID, leans down with it under the counter and starts typing something into what I can only imagine is some sort of under the counter machine. She is looking at my Id and then typing, then she gets the returned clothes and starts counting them, then more typing things under the counter, then she starts to look at the receipt and still more typing under the counter. Finally I’ve had enough.
“What are you doing with my drivers license?”
Deer in the headlight eyes
“Is TCP monitoring how much I am returning? Are you setting some sort of limits on that/”
Something that results in “yes” and now the attention of the other little girl and the rest of the customers in line is caught.
“I have a receipt”
“It doesn’t matter, there was this one lady I looked up and it told me she couldn’t return anything else for 60 days”
“Even with a receipt?”
The transaction is completed, I got $11 back
“Here’s a coupon for next time that starts on””I won’t be needing that I’m not shopping her again”
I turn and leave, and the more I think about it as I drive to the next stop on my 4 hour errand run this afternoon the madder I get.
WTF TCP, are you seriously trying to tell me that you are trying to tell me I am only allowed to bring things back to your store as long as it doesn’t cross some perceived line you have set for shopping there? That I have to be subjected to the ID check every time I make a return and wait in line for you to tell me if it ok for me to bring back items of yours I don’t like or don’t need? WITH A RECEIPT AND WITHIN YOUR RETURN PERIOD. You are telling me that I get the added bonus of potential censure and embarrassment while I’m in your store DECIDING TO SPEND MY HARD EARNED MONEY?
I may not even be able to choose your pretty clothing for MineMe’s outfit on principle alone. If I do end up using them I can tell I am going to be much more frugal in your store should I choose to enter it again for something other than the return I am likely to make of today’s purchases.
Badly done TCP, shame on you for solving whatever your return shennigan loss issues are by choosing to judge and chastise the entire populace of your customer base. You’ll be getting this blog post in an email shortly.
And I’ll be catching in other ponds for a while, from the looks of it I am not the only one.
The Dan Andriano Adventure aka How to spend $500 on a $14 ticketPosted: 2011/09/26 Filed under: Adventures, Ramblings | Tags: Alkaline Trio, Bottom Lounge, Chicago, Dan Andriano, Elway, Girl Code, Lexus, This Addiction Leave a comment
So I’ve written previously about my love affair with Alkaline Trio, Dan Adriano’s voice and songs specifically and how he was coming to Chicago on the 24th of September and I wanted to go. Originally I was all stoked because I thought it was in the get my boobs out and ride a jaguar bar, alas I was mistaken.. It was simply at Bottom Lounge and the ticket cost all of $14. Dan is touring in support of his Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room Hurricane solo debut. Which is fabulous because it is all Dan all the time. And also fabulous because maybe, just maybe, just mayyyybeeeeee he’d play something anything at ALL from This Addiction. I’ll rip the band aid right off you now and tell you he did NOT in fact play a damn thing off that album. Sigh… one of these days I will win the lottery and bring those dudes to a local venue and make them play that album for me and a few hundred friends.
Bottom Lounge is a 4 hour drive away. Which means that in order to attend this event I have to in order of preference…. a-find an overnight sitter so The Husband and I can both go b-find a friend who can stay overnight and pickup the hotel c- drive up and back with a friend d- drive up and spend the night by myself and get some shopping in e- drive up and back by myself . I think all of those situations had been in play multiple times before I had finally given up on Friday that I was not going to make it to the show. Saturday morning I woke up ready for a weekend of absolutely NOTHING. The whole weekend lay before me like a beautiful blank canvas of possibility. Oh the projects I could finish, or start, or plan to start. The book I could lounge and read, the garden I could putter in. The possibilities were endless. I lounged in bed with The husband snuggling and such until well after 9:30. I came down after a shower for a yummy breakfast sandwich. As I stood at the island eating, reading the paper and chatting with the love of my life about missing the concert later he says to me.
“I’ve got an idea but it’s crazy”
Right away I know where this is going, and it’s likely going to be spontaneous, a tad chaotic and expensive. Now we aren’t made of money, but you don’t need to have much money to sometimes have more money than sense.
“What is it?”
“Why don’t we all go up there and take the kids someplace and I’ll stay in the room and watch the kids while you go to the concert”
At this point is is 10:30AM EST, the concert starts at 7:30PM CST and the doors open at 6:30PM CST. I munch my egg sandwich thoughtfully.
Then we enter into the period known as discussion. It basically goes like this and lasts another 30-45 minutes because the conversation goes in spurts and we each move about the house doing whatever else is it we need to do on Saturday morning.
“That is bat shit crazy talk”
“Can we make it happen?”
“Let’s try to make it happen”
This is where Mommy gets to play make the magic happen. Disney doesn’t have a damn thing on me. I play this game all the time at work, it’s my job. I used to do this all the time pre AD. The major difference between then and now is now I get help making that magic happen at home. The Husband solved the Nanny, the kid packing and the Lexus oil change, while I handled the budget, the tickets, the hotel and the dog coverage.
3 hours later we are all in the Lexus (I guess I could just call it the car now since I sold the Mazda for $1200 I’ve already spent and good bottle of vodka I am likely to never see) and headed to Chi town. The plan morphed several times since inception but landed on.
Drive the kids up to Chicago, let them swim in a pool for 30 minutes, ditch them with a Nanny service for the evening while we go to the concert and have a nice evening out. We arrive at the hotel room at 4:45 CST. The Nanny comes at 6:00 and we head down to catch a cab to Bottom Lounge where we are going to eat and watch the show. This was the very first trip our kids have been on with us that was NOT all about something for them. They have been to both Disneys, the one in Florida multiple times. They have been to water parks and coaster parks and Lego parks. They have been to Zoo’s and Children’s Museums and rainy crowded festivals with people in character costumes. But they have never been told go pack your stuff and the most exciting thing you can hope for is a hotel pool and a nanny. Turns out this is pretty exciting for them after all. They really got a kick out of seeing the windmill farms and the city skyline and the very very crowded streets. They thought it was super cool to have Nanny C come and take them to dinner on a little adventure of their own, bring them back to watch a movie in their big hotel bed and fall asleep. Gas $60 Tickets $38 Hotel $150 Parking $35 Nanny+ dinner for kids $190 Dinner and drinks for Mommy and Daddy…well you get the picture.
Now I should take a step back here and let you in on a little secret. I can’t deal with too much chaos for too long without needing some way to let all the anxiety is causes me out. Bat shit crazy spur of the moment ideas almost always end up in me needed to shed some emotions at some point in time, especially if they have lots of moving parts and things to consider and cover, which they always do. I thrive on the excitement in some ways, I like delivering under pressure, but pressure is a funny thing. It has to be released or it builds too high and causes issues. This blog has chronicled many ways in which I shed emotions and hormones, but we haven’t gotten to one.
Having a good/spar/spat/fight with your spouse. All of this stress finally comes to a head as we enter the cab and discover it is NOT a credit card cab. YES, I KNOW by city code they are all required by law to take the credit cards. Someone needs to tell them that is all I’m saying. This is really no issue though b/c the driver tells me it’s less than $10 where we are going. Great I say and I tell The Husband. Who informs me he has about $5. I absolutely lose my shit because I had just asked him upstairs if I needed to bring cash ( I had plenty) in my jeans and he said no so I brought a $20 bill and that was it. I was expecting YOU to take care of the cabs I snarl. Remember our finances still remain separate.
Now let’s step out of the heat of battle for a moment and analyze this. We have our tickets, the venue takes cards, there is likely the ability to find an ATM and get cash one we get there should we have to. There is plenty of cash in that cab between the two of us that this doesn’t have to be a big deal. Oh but it is…….
It’s a big deal because this is an easy and old stress fight to fall back on. This particular flavor of adventure stress is like in the top 5 of Lola and The Husband repeatable go to arguments and spats. We go through the motions, he escalates , I spit back. He spits I snarl back. This is the first couple of minutes of the cab ride also so the driver gets to be in on the joy and I’m trying to get my stupid seat belt buckled and the clip is acting like I’m trying to take it’s anal virginity without asking first or lube. I fling it back towards the door and it makes a really loud clank on the window. Now there is only silence in the cab.
“Seat belt wouldn’t stick”
“You crack window?”
” Nope not even close, it’s really strong” is about the best I can muster to move us all along to another subject
Great, now I’ve pissed off another cab driver here. I’m going to get a rep.
Then a take a moment and start to look around this cab I’m at the cooling off period of my fight in. It has all the required signs about taking visa etc. the license all that. But this dude has his groceries in the back seat behind my head and all over the lining in front and above my head at these push pins, with pictures of people and stuff. Including a couple of hand written signs pinned OVER the regulation stuff that say things like I don’t REALLY take credit cards and this is an independent cab.
This cab cab looks like the inside of PJ’s probable secret room off/under the garage is what I’m saying. And I don’t mean in an “I am Batman” way. I start to have a moment of panic, this dude is mad and he’s totally going to take us to an abandoned building and rape and kill us. And then the universe provides me with a perfect opportunity, another cab cuts us off in traffic.
“He didn’t even signal before he cut you off did he?”
This opens up dialog for all of us to go on about what a noob d-bag the OTHER cab driver is and we safely arrive at our destination without anal raping or murder. The Husband pays the guys with my $20 and we both unspokenly know the fight is over and forgotten. This is how it works in long term relationships, fights can sometimes just be fights and nothing more. It’s been a while since we were in a place where a fight can just be a fight, and it feels glorious.
We check in and get wrist bands, get seated and have amazing yummy dinner. No kidding the menu here is awesome and I’d like to go back just to try some more things on it. I settle for the Brie and beer onion burger and tater tots. The Husband gets Stilton and bacon burger and onion rings. I’m drinking vanilla vodka and diet cokes, my fall drink. He is hitting the beers. We eat and go in for the last half or so of Elway, who was awesome. Followed by Dave Hause who was amazingly awesome. Both new bands for me and both must haves. I walk in and walk right to to whatever open spot I like in the middle and my body guard/husband follows me. By the time Dan is on I’m literally feet away from him and the music. Dan did an amazing job but I made zero new friends because the little chatty d-bags next to me didn’t like it when the tall girl told them to STFU.
Dude had a Finch T on, so I tried to let it go for a bit, but I made magic happen to get there and I didn’t talk through HIS guy. The Husband says he didn’t even worry, my eyes cleared both their heads and I don’t play when I’m pissed. The made do with texting about what a cuntress I was for the rest of the show..in silence. Evil grin.
The set was great, I am learning to appreciate the lyrics of a lot of Dan’s songs on a deeper level the more I hear them. And while at a live show I tend to listen more intently than say in the car while driving or while writing. I mean it when I say that man’s voice is like salve to my soul. I’m a tiny little bit in love with him in a non creepy way of course.
It was sadly an all ages show and had to end at ten. It was also sad because we could of brought the kids and they would of loved it, though it would of been far less enjoyable for the two of us. MiniMe and The Destroyer have been getting a real music education since Mommy decided listening to her music was better than radio Disney any day. I had to deal as a kid, they can too. We stuck around for a a a bit and then walked for a bit and then caught a cab back to Nanny C and the sleeping children. Yesterday morning we got up and drove home in mostly rain. I am still catching up but it was all worth it. Now If I can just figure out how to get him to sing me some things off of This Addiction…..
9/10/11 12:13 Let’s spend it together, with music of coursePosted: 2011/09/10 Filed under: Ramblings | Tags: Girl Code 1 Comment
I vaguely remember making a promise to note this event during the last one 08/09/10 11:12
Lyrics for Jimmy
Those of you that know me well, already know that I have a thing for numbers and dates. Pinpointing moments in time. The Husband says it is eerie the way I remember numbers. For me it just comes naturally. My livelihood actually depends on making things happen in the time and space that are allocated for them to happen, and making adjustments if they don’t. I’m not Rainman or the girl who never forgets your Birthday, but something in me find comfort in the logic and sense of numbers. For such a passionate emotional creature ( yes this is code for sometimes I lose my shit) as I am, this sometimes strikes me as odd about me. Though there is infinite beauty in math, and what it can do. Or maybe the better way to express this is what can be done with math. I’m not sure of all of the little nuances of my personality and brain that are comforted or driven by this trait, but it’s part of me.
That being said I got lucky and caught 08/09/10 11:12PM last year with a friend; it was a really nice night, with good intellectual conversation. It was comfortable and easy as things often were with this friend when lines of communication were open. Sitting in that moment I thought ahead to the next one. This was pretty rare for me, back in 08/09/10 I wasn’t thinking much past getting to 08/31/10 so I could be divorced. I was living my life in weekly chunks of time, and getting settled into my “new” life. I wondered where I would be when 09/10/11 arrived, it seemed a universe away at the time. It felt a little like this song, actually.
I often weave points in time together in my mind. So a few days ago when I remembered the impending once in a lifetime numerical moment, it time warped my mind back to the last one. Where was my Misguided Ghost at that moment in time, what had she done, said, promised? Sort of like the 3 ghosts in A Christmas Carol and inspired by this song. In my head it’s her that travels back and forward in time while I sit here intact in the moment. A little mental imagery piece of me out in the universe, traveling without boundaries of reality to do my bidding. I think maybe I read too much Time Travellers Wife, or watch too much Hot Tub Time Machine, but it works for me and was inspired by this song.
Happy 09/10/11 12:13am and pm of course b/c there are no plans for a separate PM post. I’m keeping my promise with music, shrugs, why not… It’s late and I’ve been nostalgic all day, perhaps it is the sudden change of weather to Fall, which I love but has always made me a little bit nostalgic. I think I miss the carefree days of College, I’m not sending the Misguided Ghost back there though, we move onward these days.
Almost Divorce- Part 9 The TimelinePosted: 2011/09/08 Filed under: Ramblings | Tags: Forgive, forgiveness, Girl Code, Mental Health, my personal catfish story, Relationships 13 Comments
This series is published once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
I have that phrase written up at the top of almost all of the pieces of this AD story. It is so far, not counting the Zinnia and Sunflower time lapse pics, the only story to have multiple installments. It is broken apart for a lot of reasons, most of which revolve around your reading and my writing comfort. It is too large, lengthy and complicated to manage in one sitting, unless you are a glutton for overworking your mind , in which case carry on.
I wrote recently about being at a crossroads with this story, that I was stuck. But I realize now that I was just waiting for something to settle in, waiting for a few more things to unlock before I proceeded, waiting for some additional time to pass from the end of the story, and waiting until the anniversary of the climax ( PJ’s identity fake) was over. I was taking time to breathe, to be, to live. The intention for this series has always been for it to have an end, just another story on this blog, but one that took a while to tell.
I’ve been stuck at that crossroads because timeline wise we are on the precipice of chat. We are there actually, stepping into the rail yard where I will keep searching without knowing that is what I’m doing until I find a young pretty Greek crazy train and willingly get on it, take it for a hell of ride, crash it a few times and eventually watch it all suck in and vomit back out around me, then put myself and my life all back together again, but not in the exact same way. So in the interest of giving sense of time and space, I have created a timeline for the story. Now you can see where it started, where it is and where it is headed based on what piece of it each week brings. In telling it I have to set the foundation to educate those of you with no background or understanding of online playing. I have the marriage and what went on with that, the online and what went on with that, the me and the kids and what went on with that, and the lessons of grace and hindsight to apply to it all and share. It is the timeline that guides the story and dictates where it goes next.
The Almost Divorce Timeline:
The quick and dirty
r/gonewild and Gone wild chat: Round 1- December 2009 though June 2010 Round 2- December 2010-May 2011
PJ- April 2010-August 2010, December 2010
The Husband- Moved out May 2010- In October 2010, still here 🙂
Big Guy- February 2011-May 2011
All the detials
Summer 2007 start to have questions and doubts about life and life choices
Summer 2009 festering is about to boil over
November 2009 Reddit r/gonewild starts
December 2009-Chat starts
Winter/Spring 2010– The Husband agrees to marriage counseling and we begin doing that weekly, then bi weekly, then monthly, then not at all because we are getting divorced. Meanwhile I become more and more entrenched and addicted to GW and Chat.
April 2010 Meet PJ in a public chat room. Discover there are mutual feelings going on. Rules are still GW playtime rules, so this obviously causes some Husband and PJ drama.
May 2010 The Husband tells me over Mothers Day Weekend I am getting a divorce , then proceeds to change his mind and start fighting for me on Monday by sending PJ and email and demanding he stay away from me. I spend May trying to decide if I want a divorce or a separation, having my first fight with PJ, trying to stay away from him and make sure I’m not getting divorced just b/c of him. It’s a freaking mess and his first chance to run, but he goes no where. The Husband and I work out all the mediation and non contested divorce decree details. The Husband moves out over Memorial Day Weekend. Custody schedule and child support schedule starts. I start individual counseling once a week, then every other week, then monthly. Then not at all.
Early June 2010– The Husband and I sign the paperwork for the divorce, but I don’t file yet.
June 2010 Leave chat. PJ leaves public and convinces me to leave with him. It’s not hard because I know I have a problem and am ready to do something about it. I leave public and then GWP. I would pop in for a lurk or a visit, but never stayed long and was often gone for weeks, or months in the case of public, at a time. Chat was always a potential link to seeing PJ, so it becomes a portal later. The kids start their own counseling. The friends choose Team Lola or Team The Husband, some choose both. Some don’t choose as expected… I read the cell phone bill in detail b/c of an over charge. I then throw a soul mate friend out of my life after discussing the bill and its revelations with The Husband. In the girl code loyalty is everything. This friend chose the wrong team, played double agent and divulged my secrets to my husband. Dead to me and a bigger betrayal than what PJ did.
June 21, 2010 PJ ends things rather than move them forward, that weekend the I wasn’t going to do that fight happens, the last name is given, his first real gmail account is nuked into oblivion. Something in me severs, because I am dumped if you will via G-chat without even a cam on. And even in my state of driving the crazy train I am not that stupid.
June 28, 2010 am– PJ starts again with the just give me time BS and I start repeatedly getting on the what is the state of the current or future PJ/Lola union ride. I also file for divorce on this day. Yes I wish he’d stayed gone too lovies, but really I filed because at this point I was ready to move on without either of them.
Week of June 28– I decide I’m going to start dating, I politely inform, under the guise of asking his permission, PJ this is how the new world order is going to work and I put a profile on Match.com. Start talking to and dating new people. Basically refuse to give much detail about any of this to PJ or The Husband and start living my life. Yes in fact this does introduce one more thing about dudes for me to manage during this time.
July 2010 I repeatedly ride the PJ roller coaster cycle of crazy hoping for a different outcome each time, date new dudes, work on self in therapy and use dating as my lab for my working on myself experiments. PJ starts counseling, creates a new real gmail account and generally pretends he’s getting his stuff together for me while reaping the rewards of my iphone skills. The Husband continues to fight for me. I’m no longer dealing with a chat addiction and I start dealing with my PJ addiction and the other things being a divorcing single parent brings.
July 19, 2010 The Husband tells me he thinks PJ is not who he says he is, so we look who he thinks he is up on the internet, and then we argue about his .edu email and whether or not he is in the student/staff directory for the college he is supposedly attending/working at. I throw The Husband out b/c I am tired of the push me pull you between the two of them. When I tell PJ he freaks the hell out because The Husband is looking for him. And I become fed up with him as well.
July 20, 2010 I tell PJ I don’t want to talk to him or see him at all for the next 8 weeks. I tell The Husband he is not allowed to say a WORD to me about getting back together for 8 weeks. I am done with the push me pull you BS between PJ and The Husband, tired of the games PJ is playing and generally ready to consider kicking some ass and take some names in my new life, without either of them (or any of the match dudes) in it. The problem with this is I can never stay away from PJ for very long and things like the “he’ll just have to love my kids” discussions happen. But my gut is taking more and more control as I get healthier and healthier.
August 2010 More dating, more working on myself and healing, no more chat and very limited pic action. The 90 days to final divorce is coming at the end of the month. One Sunday, I have a horrible epiphany of sweet clarity and I literally beg God to get me away from PJ, this is what I want I pray, to be rid of the poison of him. God delivers quickly and without any question as to outcome.
August 23-25 2010 The nails go into PJ’s coffin one by one. He isn’t showing up in the edu directory, he claims he isn’t in classes, I tell him not to contact me until he gets his life together and can provide a concrete identity. I then stumble upon degreeverify.org from his school’s web site and I checkout both his undergrad and grad school claims. Best $13 I ever spent. First the undergrad no comes in, then the next morning the grad school no comes in. What I always knew is proven without a doubt. The dude is a total fraud and probably a sociopath. Still, I loved him and it reels me.
August 25, 2010 The world as I know it is over, he nukes all of his online accounts, all of his emails. The only he can’t nuke is skype. Fucking Skype...
September 2010 Healing, baby steps in the reconciliation, set backs in the reconciliation, more baby steps, more set backs. You know the usual. If ever a point in my journey where my grief was at its worst it was here in this month. I spent it crying, sometimes multiple times a day.
October 2010 The Husband moves back in never to leave, same for the kids moving back in full time. We begin to work very hard at our reconciliation and at crafting our life post almost divorce.
December 6, 2010 I demand around 9:30 am to God to bring him back and give me answers. ( I am so stubborn) I get home from a meeting to find out from a friend he’s shown up on Skype. I want to puke but hold it together, for about an hour.
December 2010 PJ and I are contacts on skype, I requested him and he added me. We never have a chat or conversation of any kind. He shows up in chat and gets on cam. I don’t ever see him there, I start to pop in again, in the hopes of answers. They don’t come, he either isn’t in chat at all or he’s lurking. Dude is clearly a sociopath. I mean really….
December 2010- February 2011 Chat, Oh I’ll just see if I can nail PJ, oops it’s a mild relapse. I call it a relapse because I was addicted to it previously and needed it to learn that I cannot go to chat at all. This stint in chat helped me heal from PJ, and discover more things about myself. I also had a much better time in chat this round. No stable of boys or pursuit of playmates. Though I do still have fans, this round is mostly about hanging out and having fun and conversation. My top two love languages are Quality Time in the form of good conversation and words of affirmation. Both are plentiful and quickly accessible in chat. But I stay too long and…..
March 2011-May 2011 The Big Guy- yep it’s the rebound GW guy. He knew of me during chat round 1 and my time with him gets me over PJ and opens my eyes to a few last things about myself I need to realize for long term self and marriage maintenance. He helped me greatly with my recovery process and is very very real, though I never touched him. He hates me; his prerogative, but I wish him only well and feel I have owned and apologized appropriately.
The Husband and I are living adventures and beautiful disasters ever after…. I repeatedly choose him and I am glad I do.
Today I am so grateful for everything I have in my life. I’m grateful for the forgiveness of God and my Husband. I’m thankful I forgave myself and Paul and thankful even for the journey itself.
I’m thankful I get to share more of my story and lessons learned with you lovies next Thursday.
Almost Divorce- Part 7 Time for a gonewild chatPosted: 2011/08/11 Filed under: Ramblings | Tags: Girl Code, my personal catfish story 4 Comments
Welcome to the 2nd most read page on this blog.
Let me save you a LOT of time. If you are just here to find out about Reddit’s r/gonewild, what is is all about, how to post , what you can expect to see etc.. go here and scroll down a bit.
If you want to know about chat, keep reading this page and/or click here and/or here
If you are just trying to find out how to GET to chat. I believe if you look on the right side of the page on r/gonewild front page you will find a link somewhere nearer the bottom than the top that says something like, click here to go to chat.
If you’re here for porn only , there isn’t any on this site, thanks for stopping by, enjoy the rest of your day.
If you are the least bit interested in how a girl ( me) went to both r/gonewild and chat , then stupidly fell in love with a full on sociopath and almost destroyed her marriage and life feel free to go back to the beginning and read the whole thing. Be careful out there Lovies!
And now back to the original post….
This series is published once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
We’ve arrived at chat. The largest player in this journey and where I will spend more and more and more of my personal time to the point I almost prefer to be online than out socializing. Or maybe I was just enjoying that life more than the fucked up mess I was dealing with when the computer was turned off and many times while it was still on. In the middle of this I become a divorcing single parent and that narrows my circles quite a bit in itself. I already have my man in the wings and so that cuts down further social contact until I start to date other boys who I can actually touch and who are not The Husband or PJ. Though The Husband and I did actually touch while were were divorcing. It is what it is with us.
With the same disclaimers as the Part 3 Reddit r/gonewild post.
Gonewild Chat Rooms
Even in this very moment, if I wanted to be naked in a public gonewild chat room I could probably accomplish that task in less than 10 minutes. Even without the benefit of a cam I could also accomplish this with just my voice and a few key phrases for voice identification, I choose not to. Once into public I could probably be nestled safely back in a password protected room with most of my old friends and some new ones within the next 5. Once you have made online friend connections in chat it really is that easy to go back in, people come and go all the time for months on end. Sometimes I wish chat was not so bad for me because I miss my friends and hanging out and the conversations and the learning opportunities. I have tried to be in chat in a non destructive way. I can for a long period of time, but eventually I’m going to be spending too much time there and something or someone is always going to catch up to me. It’s simply the nature of the community and my personality . I will end up stepping into a much darker shade of grey than I care to live my life. And I will get there by making that first step over into the very light grey. It’s just another one of those lines I shouldn’t cross.
- The chat room names or links for the r/gonewild public crowd were usually posted on r/gonewild
- Private group chat rooms either set up subreddits by invite only or published a password to their group in some manner
- If you had a friend in G-chat or Skype and they knew where the room currently was and what the password was.
- r/gonewild public chat rooms were created on these chat sites by redditors.. not Reddit. Someone or a group of people would take on the responsibility of creating the room, posting info about it and making sure there were moderators, managing it how they saw fit etc.
- GWP had a password protected chat room. It was on the first web hosted chat site and some of the GWP owners funded the room and they graciously opened to all of us as GWP.
- As time progressed the public chat community moved its chat rooms from one site to another as needed.
- Sometimes leadership of the rooms changed during these moves, sometimes it didn’t
- Sometimes there were multiple site options if things were going in multiple directions at once
- It’s been in one place for about a year now, and is very well run by redditors who own the site. They work hard and it’s well run.
GW is geared to by anonymous by nature; it is normal to interact using throwaway Reddit accounts and alias email accounts. So anonymity is respected and accepted, but not everyone chooses to stay anonymous. Many people in chat and GW do tell you their real identity and may want to know yours. Many of the guys I met wanted to know where I really lived in order to ascertain how likely it was that they could come and actually have sex with me vs. just show me themselves or watch me touch myself on camera. This is an important point b/c if someone wants to stay anonymous online, the community had rules and of course there are moral guidelines to protecting that anonymity. Basically you cannot give away details about anyone’s real life except your own. But you can give away any info of your own you want and lot’s of chatters choose to share their version of real details with people they meet on chat. Identity can be sticky topic in the GW world. You certainly don’t need to know the details of the dude whose body you’re gonna fap (because that’s what it sounds like when it’s happening) to this afternoon, but you might want to know the full details of the boy you think you’d like to have an actual relationship with.
Especially if he is the one bringing those details up and feeding them to you. Details that put him in very close proximity to the parts he’s been watching on your cam. The identity lies PJ told me first include both his first name and where we was in grad school. This was in the first 2-3 weeks of meeting him online and he did this by introducing the subject for the first time and stating he wasn’t going to give me the information. Then making me guess and saying,” maybe, maybe, it begins with P”..blah blah blah. Then within 24 hours of that game he’d provide me the information like it was some special gift that I only was going to know. He would serve me huge doses of life stories and experiences full of details about what he had been through, or where he’d been or other people in his life. We spent our time talking like any couple. But as far as identity pinpointing or validating details he liked to dole those out in teeny tiny pieces like they were precious gifts of his soul. He did this with his area code, the small town he was born in and spending that summer in, the town he spent about ages 5-10 in, his undergrad and grad school college. Oh and his middle name and full birth date. I’m sure there is more, we could probably just say a blanket everything that came out of his mouth and be covered.
I got his last name in the middle of a fight he had absolutely zero hand in. I was pissed and he was nailed. He begged I demanded the last name. He went on and on about how he had not committed the offense and would NEVER commit the offense. At the time my response was to demand his last name. He gave it to me in one word then promptly DELETED the first ItsPJ@gmail address he had created and pawned off to me as his real, full fledged life account. He claims he also almost threw his laptop in the pool because he was so mad, and then he climbed in a car and drive two states away over the weekend to drop off his cousin and pick up his sister. Um you are mad because I asked you for your last name, and then you chose to give me a fake one?? Anger issues much little boy?
He initiated the I was never going to really DO that conversation with me several times over the next few months. It was for some reason very important to PJ for me to know that he could not stay away from me, could not keep himself from wanting me or thinking about me. It took him almost another MONTH before he created a supposedly new real itsstillPJ@gmail account. He spent that month IM-ing and emailing me using his PJGW@gmail account and changing the details on his Skype account to his touchable life first name and last initial, and birthday. So he is is telling this identity lie not just to me, but to everyone at GW he interacts with using Gmail or Skype. When he sets up this brand new real like itstillPJ@gmail account, he sends me not only an email telling me I’m first to get one, but also claims to start chatting with me first on it.
Really, that happened, this kid is a true piece of work. I mean , as if the first fake account getting set up and nuked wasn’t insult enough. As if it wasn’t enough to take it out of the business of play in the first place by lying and insinuating he was nearby and very interested in me as a person beyond my body. He was only in it for the real porn and the emotional trauma he could inflict and then sit back and watch the drama enfold. Rinse repeat. I took that ride more than a few times before I finally got off. It made me dizzy.
But as for the rest of the chat participants who aren’t PJ.
- Yes its 90+% dudes and roughly 10% girls. Maybe 85/15.
- Chat has visitors from many countries. I met people from the US, Canada, Great Britain, Ireland, Brazil, Chile, Netherlands, Scotland, New Zealand, Australia, Sweden, Norway, and others.
- Chat has visitors of all ages, 18 and up, you prove this by clicking through whatever 18+ measures have been set up on the site in use. Room owners/ mods also take their additional screening for under 18 kids coming in posing as older job seriously. NO ONE WANTS AN UNDERAGE KID IN CHAT….EVER. If you show up to a chat room looking 16 someone is going to demand you cam up privately and show ID.
- The rooms when I was there are definitely heavier on the in college and just past college kids. There are also plenty of others of all ages. The oldest dude I ever saw on chat was about 65, the oldest chick was in her mid 40’s.
- In some rooms the mere presence of a minor in a users cam will get them kicked from the room, I’m not talking creepy dudes putting underage girls on cam here lovies. I’m talking about parents whose kids like to barge in without knocking or wander in while someone is afk with their cam still on
- Chat is made up of both parents and non parents. I always felt the parents were the minority but there were plenty of us there. I’m going to hazard a guess that married men with kids are more prone to be lurkers in chat.
- Chat rooms had a heavy population of redditors, but also people who just found it for the gonewild part
- It seems that the mix of single to not single people was always in flux and always weighted more towards singles.
- There were couples that came to chat together or separately.
- I would guess that the vast majority of chat users SO’s did not know they went to chat or GW. But there were plenty of us who did have SO’s that were aware.
Chat is kind of like stepping into another world, the mix of people is as infinite as the potential social interactions that can be had within the limit of the technology. It’s not just all naked people all the time, there is a LOT of conversation going on and it isn’t all about sex either.
- This is group chat. Public chat roll, slots for cams or audio and a mechanism to send private messages from one user to another. PJ did not know there was even a Private Message aka PM option before I PM’ed him the morning I met him.
- The chat roll where you can type messages to the whole room and have conversations with everyone else
- You can have private conversations with others using the PM feature, it’s like IMing inside of chat. That always seemed like the darkest level of the pit/rabbit hole to me. Here I am online, but hiding in GWP which is more private that public, then I’m having a hidden conversation inside of there. PJ and I communicated this way almost exclusively when we were both in a chat room together. This was on top of the chat roll conversations we would be participating in as a couple, chat roll conversations we would be having on our own, and other PM conversations we were carrying on. If I was ALSO in public chat while in GWP this could be multiplied x2 – the PJ PM’s. PJ and I always PM’ed inside of GWP. It was our hiding place form the bitches and drama in public. Or maybe it was his way of keeping me out of public and away from his other bitches. PJ was VERY prone to carrying on multiple PM conversations at once.
- There are up to 15 slots for people to be on cam, sometimes they are empty and sometimes they are full and people are waiting for a spot.
- It’s not a big live online sex orgy when you first login, it is more sparsely populated and tame during the day of USA hours and as it gets later or it is a weekend it tends to get fuller and wilder and more naked
- There are rules and they are taken seriously. They are in the same vein as the be Respectful and not a giant pandering douche bag rules that exist for r/gonewild
- Just about anything goes as long as it appears that all parties on cam are of age, consensual and aware they are being broadcast
- Individual cams are hide able, meaning you don’t HAVE to watch what someone is showing. If you don’t like it, then you don’t look.
Categories of people in chat:
- Lurkers: Never cam up and never say anything in the chat roll . They are your silent voyeurs. They could be anyone and that always made me a bit nervous. You can judge the personality and therefore trustworthiness of the people you see on cam and see talk in chat roll or directly to you. Lurkers do not make it into the smaller less public rooms, because they don’t establish a connection with anyone to be able to do so. PJ told me he was a lurker from January to late March before he started talking or camming up in public chat. Take that in… PJ WAS A LURKER.. k..got it?
- GWers who don’t cam up: Never cam up, but do talk in chat roll or PM people directly. These are your social voyeurs. Depending on how much interaction they have they could be lurkers who talk , It’s just like real life, a person is assigned a level on your friendship spectrum depending on your interactions with them. In chat it’s the same but you also have to take into account the collective community factor. Which I suppose is the same as the larger social circle factor in touchable life. Can anyone else tell I must of just written the PJ primer and have quit calling it real life? I’m retraining myself to call it touchable life. We shall see if it sticks.
- Never nudes: Cam up but never go wild, the amount of skin they show is minimal. Talk in chat roll and in PM’s.
- The rest of us: We cam up, we may or may not show face, eventually almost everyone who cams up shows face, even if they do not start out that way. It took me a few weeks or so from first going into chat as a headless set of boobs and a mouth to get trusting enough to show my face. As I got to know more people the more comfortable I felt. I most certainly preferred to see a face and more of the whole body vs a floating penis or super up close sex scene. I think this is also human nature, people want to connect and faces assist with that connection. A face and it’s expressions add another layer to the written chat communication and help you better understand tone and intent and personality.
- Moderators: Trusted chat members who take on the job of moderating the room, keeping order, banning trolls if needed, checking Id’s on young looking cammers. There are permanent mods, those who are a mod every time they enter the room, and as needed mods. Mod rights were often instilled to all girls on cam. There a lot of creepy people out there and there is no faster way to discover this than to get naked in a public chat room, or even a private chat room sometimes if it has a bunch of newly added people.
- Trolls: giant jackass douche bags looking to cause a scene or hurt some feelings or both, the general stance on trolls is ignore them, kick them, ban them etc. There will always be more where they came from, trolls are just a part of the internet. Yes trolls can be girls but I personally don’t think many are.
- White Knights: Dudes who just CANNOT ignore the trolls. I’m not talking guys who will stand up for you publicly in a room when someone is being a pandering idiot or giant douche, or needs to be gently or not so gently reminded of the rules. DRAMA kings and queens.
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