Facebook Fubars; The good, the bad and the ugly!

Very recently I had the pleasure of sending this message to one of my newer Facebook friends.

“Hello-Do I actually know you? I’m sorry to be so blunt, but recently I fubared FB on my phone and let it search my entire phone database and friend request anyone it matched a phone number to. That has in turn made awkward conversations like this possible. So, AB. How do you know me? Best, Lola’s real name”

This  round of FB Fubar fun has been going on for several weeks now.

One thing I have learned about FB is that it likes to trick you into making as ass of yourself to everyone.    The bad news is without FB,  your ass of yourself making talents would only be on display to those actually involved.  The good news is, this FB feature generally applies to everyone at some point, we have all been there.  I have been there 3 times.  Let me first admit something.  I am one of those people who vacillates back and forth about how I feel regarding my privacy and Facebook.   Sometimes I don’t really care how many people from all areas of my life see what kind of fun I’m getting myself into, and sometimes I don’t even want to be found.  I have only 1 rule about FB, ABSOLUTELY NO COWORKERS!!!!  I have only broken this rule once, and I have enough dirt on Rock Star to not be worried if he sees I am liking someone’s pics during work hours.    I am also one of those people who goes through and occasionally nukes the ever living hell out of my friends list.  These events usually correspond directly to where I am on the privacy…need some… scale.   Do not take this personally if it happens to you.  If you miss me in your life simply friend request me, I’ll assume you’re down for whatever ride I’m currently on and life is good.  Same thing the other way, I don’t see my FB friends number as  ANY sort of meter as to my success as a person or a friend.   At the same time I don’t think it is anyone’s business who else I am friends with.    Sometimes this makes me say to myself:

“Crazy lady, you write a blog on the internet that is so full of your business it almost bursts. More than one person has told you they can’t drink things while reading it.   If you tell them about your FB privacy “issues” people are going to go, “But you write a blog…on the internet…”

Yes, I absolutely do write this blog on the internet. It is under a pseudonym, but honestly, it isn’t that hard to figure it out and find me if someone really felt the need.   The flip side of that,  is it provides a buffer for that gray zone of awkwardness that could come from someone new who knows me finding it and having a horrible reaction.   If you know me, you know me. If You don’t, you can find me and see if you can get to know me. And  if you know me, you can still pretend you didn’t find this and I will never be the wiser.   I don’t write it for anyone’s approval but my own, but it is really really nice when people like it, and read it, and call me to tell me they like it and read it.   That being said, there are still people I don’t feel need linked to what I share of my private life on Facebook.   Consequently most of my Fubars revolve around just this thing.

Fubar #1 was the good old Facebook tricks you into inviting everyone in your email contact list to be friends with you.   This was when FB was still fairly new and not quite so widely used.  Even though I’ve had an account forever, I didn’t really start using it until more of my Mommy friends were getting on there and My Space. My space was awful for me. I stayed on Facebook and patiently waited for people to move over.  It’s kind of that way for me now with Google + and Facebook.  I’m on Google+ patiently waiting for my FB friends to make the move over.   It was pretty painless, I think it added only a few people I had to dump for various too far removed an acquaintance reasons.

Fubar #2  was different, and funnier.   Once back in the Summerish of 2010, my profile picture was some dudes penis.  This is how that happened.  I was sitting at my home computer during the work day screwing around of FB when I should of been working on my work laptop right next to me.   Hey, at least I wasn’t naked and on camera.  This was after I’d gotten out of chat altogether and Pj was still in GWP.  I’d also recently gone through my computer and deleted a rather large collection of dick picks sent to me by various past GW suitors of all kinds.  I’d saved only the best, most recognizable,  belonged to men I was really into  pics.  What? A girl has to have her porn.  I was single after all.  Anyway I was changing my profile picture on FB and then something happened. When I went to look on my computer for the file I wanted to upload I came across a thumbnail of a random penis.  This was not special, recognizable penis. This was who the heck’s weiner is that penis.  And yes,  I did. I clicked that picture and away the upload went.

So here it is, the middle of the day, early afternoon I think.  And I have several issues.  One is that FB has already added the new thumbnail of my new  penis friend to the Lola and 5 other friends changed their profile pics today, post.   It has also already added the larger, more visible, LOLA CHANGED HER PROFILE PICTURE, post. And of course it has also already updated my profile with my friend’s  frank and beans.   I have to fix this and fast, and I have to do a risk assessment and fast.  First things first.  I manage to change my profile picture to something new  quickly.   I go into my profile and delete the post from the initial peen  coming out party.  I do a quick check to see how many of my FB friends (it’s sitting at about 200 at this point, down from 300+ in early May) are online and who they are.  Are they gonna be cool or not?  Then I get a message from one of  6 people that are on.  “I think your account has been hacked”, she says. You might want to check it.”  I type/sputter back some random nonsense about taking care of it while I am laughing so hard I’m about to pee my  pants.   It funny for more than one reason.  It’s funny because I’m sometimes such a nut about privacy and Facebook.  It’s funny because it is a picture of a penis, and it’s funny because it is me! I can almost always laugh at irony when I find it aimed at myself.   It helps to keep me humble and real.   I managed to get the picture deleted and I finally breathed easy 3 or so hours later.  And I did another full sweep of my computer that day corralling and nuking more of those darn white, brown, and spotted tokens of lust and affection I’d collected from the GW boys.

Fubar #3, mentioned above has a back story.   When I went from 300-200 friends that May, I was cleaning out all of The Husbands friends and family in one fell swoop. While I was doing that I used th e opportunity to clean out those I thought either didn’t need to see or wouldn’t approve of the train wreck of my life that was about to be on display as soon as people found out A- I was getting divorced and B- That he was leaving me.    I went through the summer and into the fall burning more bridges and meeting new friends.   I am not good at deleting all my contacts out of my phone.   Fast forward……….one day a few weeks ago FB tricked me into looking at all the phone numbers in my phone and asking anyone it matched in it’s database to be my friend.    I posted a status update about my fubar.    This fubar is chock full of practice handling yourself in awkward situations galore.  This was potentially going to result in some stepping out of my current comfort zone conversations.   I first had to think quickly and figure out how to un-request people like certain ex friends and my mother in law.  then I had to figure out how to find and  track recently added friends so I could keep track of who was coming in as my + climbed.   Most of the immediate  dumps were easy, but a grey area started to emerge.  The Husbands friends, some of who had also been my friends.    None of whom I’d let back into my life or my inner circle in any way, and we have been back together for about a year now.  One of them reached out to me honestly and just said “Hey, I saw what you did and just thought I’d ask you if I was part of that.”   We had a short honest adult mature conversation about it.  I admitted that is exactly what I’d done.  And that I had been reticent to add any of The Husbands friends back.  He said this to me.  Up to you. I understand how it could be uncomfortable, so if you need to keep that fence up for now, I understand, no hard feelings.  I  think I cried.  I decided to take the plunge and leave him on.  I even decided to leave on a few others that came  into the FB friends list.   It’s helped me move a little bit further toward the good parts of the old life we had without sacrificing the new life we are making.  I’ve kept a lazy eye  on my friends list since then to make sure no one else inappropriate stays in.    It’s embarrassing because I’ve racked my brain trying to figure out who AB is and how I know them.   I finally had to succumb to needing to know who is looking at pics of my kids over feeling silly sending a how do I know you FB message.


Almost Divorce- The PJ Skype Shenanigans

As I was writing the what the heck is chat story I remembered three previous revelations I had involving skype.    I had these revelation after the implosion and before now. These are revelations that have been processed, and healed from, but pieces of the puzzle. They are part of the story.

I have a love/ hate relationship with Skype. LolaGW still has a Skype account.

SKYPE WILL NOT LET YOU DELETE AN ACCOUNT INTO OBLIVION NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BEG THEM TO DO IT!!!

The best you can do is clear out all of your profile information to blank and/or not viewable to public. Or you can block users from seeing that account.   I have done all of those things to that account. Skype is kind of like GW for me, I really should avoid it at all costs because it’s not a good thing…for me.

I also have a mistyped/spelled Skype account of my full real name.  Which is really kind of funny given my notoirusly bad  typing that I am unabshedly unpaologetic for.     I  actually left the original typos in that last sentence.  And I am actually starting to get a little more self critical about my bad typing, it’s on the list.  Skype claims that it would be a security violation of some sort if they were to allow anyone to actually delete their Skype accounts.  I see it as a quick deletion of a record in a database and all touch points to it but that is just me.  I KNOW the code exists to allow them to do this. They are just giant assholes that want me to always have a portal to a PJ world.   Don’t debate me on this today , I’m not rational about the subject anyway and it’s bitch week.

So out there in the interwebs is a piece of PJ he cannot make go away no matter how badly we wants to.   I doubt he will make that same mistake for his next stupid girl.   He is nothing if not adaptable to a situation to suit him.  Lovies, PJGW has a SKYPE account.   When he vanished he nuked every email address,  Reddit PJGW account including deleting the posts and pics he had up but NOT the comments he left on others posts.  There were maybe 15 total and more than half of them were to me.   On GW PJ pretended publicly that his heart belonged to me.   PJ was a GW eligible bachelor when I met him. Not yet involved in any kind of steady  fap buddy relationship with  anyone and desired by at least 2 others.  But once we hooked up that was pretty much it for both of us.  We were “PJGW and  LolaGW”, a couple within the first 2 weeks.   He remained popular and  lusted after and was probably the more liked of the two of us by other girls.  I felt I had done quite well for myself yet also had a GW mate  at or near my same social  status.

He is young: 26 now, but his looks and demeanor say I am all man.

He is tall; 6’1″-6’3″  I honestly can’t remember and that makes me so giddy!

He is pretty/adorable/gorgeous/hot/yummy/Greek God like:– all things I have seen said about him in chat and also said to me by my GW girl friends.

He has dark brown almost black but not quite hair.   And there is a lot of it. And it is gorgeous. It looks good when he musses it up on purpose or has bed head. It looks good when he  buzzes  a ton of it off for the summer, it looks good when it is growing out.  His eyebrows are bushy but not untamed, his face is perpetually scruffy.  But he looks so good clean shaven. He can grow a full beard in a little over a week. He actually looks so ugly with a full on porn stache it’s cute and sexy.   He did a lot of screwing around with his facial hair.   I never thought much of it at the time but in hind sight it’s a little creepy because they were like mini disguises and I don’t know what kind of sick sociopath he really is. He has an amazing chest of  hair and very hairy legs.  I love hairy men and it’s the perfect amount of hair. His chest hair makes this pattern on his chest, the perfect happy trail.  He has medium dark brown eyes and these damn eyelashes that only make the looks coming from those eyes more powerful.   His  smile is amazing, and his body is literally the absolute perfect combination of bigger but fit that I have  always been drawn to.  He has huge manly hands that are all beat up from supposedly growing up in small town my same state in the country and knowing how to build and/or fix all manner of things.

He has a great personality:  It seems only fair to also show you the good traits he presented to me.

He is smart and funny and witty and well listened musically.  He is educated and corporate job experienced  and has street smarts. He is much more self aware than he appears to give himself credit for.  He is well spoken.  He is  loving and always verbally complimentary.  If we were talking I  was told he  adored me, every time.  I was doll more than my real name.  On GW he was a skilled flirt, and has even  shown  my fave part of his body to multiple others along the way, but I have seen it with my own eyes  and am told that while I was not present that  if a girl he was flirting with was new and didn’t know about us would cross a line,  he’d quickly announce that “My  heart belongs to Lola” and then she would back off or down to a comfortable flirting level again.   Yes I knew this went on.  He watched it happen with my flirting and interactions as well.   So what does this have to do with Skype you ask?

Oh you found me:

I lot of GWers use Skype to chat with each other, naked or otherwise.   PJ and I started on G-chat, I added skype   at some point in time.   PJ had one too, but he wasn’t sharing the info with me.. TO be fair I didn’t ask for it.  I discover he has a skype account from either him mentioning skyping with someone or seeing it mentioned in chat roll or someone telling me they skyped with him.   I actually can’t remember exactly which is pure awesomeness in itself.   So I go looking for his skype account.  I find it pretty easily and  contact request him.    When he accepts and next sees me green( available online on skype)  he says. ”  I see you found me”  ” it wasn’t hard I laugh”  At that time he has about 6-7 contacts.  When we implode months later he has 12-13.

I didn’t type that  Lola:

OK you have to know something about me before I tell this one.    I am a deleter, a bridge burner, a get rid of more stuff than I hold on to person.   When we imploded there were logs available of every g-chat, skype or Digsby captured chat. There were  Reddit  messages, and emails  and pictures he sent me.  There was a TON of electronic poison sitting on my computer.   I am a deleter but I am also  solving a puzzle for myself. So some things that are helpful for processing, understanding, evidence I kept, but they are  printed out rather than sitting as bad ju ju on my computer.     I am also discovering this morning that I have forgotten far more of the details of our journey that I expected, this is good news.   So I don’t remember exactly when this incident occurred.    It was  after The Husband moved out. I know it was after the husband moved out because I woke up with a laptop lying next to me in bed, which means I went to bed with a laptop lying next to me. Which means that PJ and I were actively possibly often nakedly  connected at the time.    On this particular morning,  I had talked to him before i went to bed. Was likely tucked in either with or without mutual fapping and had gone to sleep with skype still logged in.    When I woke up there was a skype IM to me from him,  In came in some time between 1:30 am or so. Long after I was  asleep, tucked in by him, in bed.   It said something like ” naked already,  that was easy” .. Um WTF?  No baby I was asleep at that time, you shouldn’t of been expecting me to be naked already.  I asked him something about it on skype, it goes basically like him saying “what not me”, and me going “here is the message” and him going “I didn’t do that”.

At the time I let it go. Let that sink in. I..LOLA..LET THAT SHIT UP THERE ^^^^^ GO! Yeah, he was THAT good looking and THAT good at cam sex and dirty talk and the looking at me with THOSE EYES  and telling me everything I wanted to hear.  Oh what a powerful amazing drug he was to be on.  But it was filled with such poison and deceit.

The gee you’ve been busy PJ skype contact explosion incident:

There will come a time in this story when it is cold outside and I login into my LolaGW skype account and request PJGW as a contact.   When he accepted my contact request. It shows me he STILL fucking has his skype profile filled out proclaiming to be the real name he gave his skype contacts. It also shows me he is up to 25 contacts. So in the time since our implosion to this moment he has GAINED 12-13 NEW contacts(see note below).  Almost everyone who knew us on GW knows what he did in some level of detail.  He is not welcome there and probably not welcome to a conversation with more than a few of his GW skype contacts.  This is is MONTHS after that event.  He has MORE contacts????    “You have been a busy boy” is my thought  at the time.  He very quickly cleans this profile out of info.  Soon after we are no longer contacts again.

02/22/12- Update, my discovery of this contact explosion actually happened in July 2010, not December. He basically doubled his Skype  contacts after I got out of chat  and wasn’t using Skype to communicate with him, b/c it wasn’t a “real” account.   This was while he was supposedly not in public, but only in GWP and I was rarely in GWP.   This discovery assisted in my suspicion about his actions and intent.   So while I did have the wtf, how did you double your contacts reaction, I had it in July, not December.  Best, Lola


Almost Divorce- Part 3 Reddit’s r/gonewild

07/18/2012-

Welcome to the most read page on this blog.

Let me save you a LOT of time. .

If you’re here for porn only , there isn’t any on this site, thanks for stopping by, enjoy the rest of your day.

Scroll down a few paragraphs if you are just here to find out about Reddit’s r/gonewild, what it is all about, how to post , what you can expect to see etc.

If  you want to know about chat click   here and/or here  and/or here

If you are just trying to find out how to GET to chat.  I believe if you look on the right side of the page on  r/gonewild  front page you will find a link somewhere nearer the bottom than the top that says something like, click here to go to chat.

If you are the least bit interested in the story of how I went to both r/gonewild and  gone wild chat, met a  “Catfish”, and almost destroyed my life,  feel free to go back to the beginning and read the whole thing.  Be careful out there Lovies!

Best,

Lola

And now on with the original post….

This series is  published once a week on Thursday’s.  Or you can start at the beginning here

The Husband had the idea that we would go to Reddit’s r/gonewild.    He explained it as  a community within a geeks website. Users post pictures of themselves  and other people comment.  Reddit is credible with the geek community and r/gonewild just happens to be one of the many less conservative sub areas.   The pictures are of  men and women of all ages  (above 18)  shapes and sizes and everyone finds beauty in everyone, even the pics where it was hard to find some beauty of popular standards.   Reddit Gonewild (NSFW)  was more about real people porn and the mutual appreciation that human sexuality is complex and infinitely varied.  At the time it seemed safe enough, lots of people enjoy porn in moderate fashion and we would be enjoying it together, which was new.   He wanted to keep me home and find a way to meet my increased sexual needs in a safe way for our marriage.   The Husband is a pleaser by nature and back then to excess of his own personal comfort level.    He had always been an amazing husband with my emotional needs   He wanted me to be happy and he had been letting me do whatever I wanted for as long as I’d known him, and I had become selfish and careless with this.   I liked that he was going to be involved and that I wouldn’t have to cheat to get what I needed.   It seemed like the perfect compromise.   We agreed we would go for it.

Neither one of us had ANY clue what those pics would unlock or where they would take us. We had no idea the horrible things to each other we would both do.  Had no idea what hell we would put ourselves and our children through and no idea how this was going to end.  This was the start of a very dark time in my marriage, the only dark time it has seen really, this was a dark time in my personal actions and a dark time in the emotional issues I would battle and the addictions I would  acquire and leave behind.  Reddit Gonewild (NSFW) is not known as a hook-up site.  Tho I have personally witnessed multiple long-term couples born from the environment.    I’m going to tell you my story about what I did and what happened to me. This is not an expose.   I am not an expert on this site or its inner workings, these are just my personal observations as they meant to me while there.   It is my heart’s subjective and mind’s hind sight colored memories and perspective.  THERE: Have I said it enough?  OK let’s proceed.

The Husband  sets up an account.  We  had some fun taking some pictures  and he posted the pics.   These are the first of many pics posted of my parts on the internet.   Yep, There may still be now in spite of my removal efforts,  pics of younger bigger me and my parts on the internet.   I have great parts and we also learn to take flattering pics. They are well received, dudes like my parts. I like dudes liking my parts.  This boosts my ego tremendously.   This infuses my marriage once again  with lust and passion.   This plan is awesome and everyone seems to be winning.  But we sure aren’t telling anybody about it, it’s mostly our little secret.  Which means only 1-2 of my besties even know anything is wrong or needing to be fixed.   So we take some more pics.    I’m enjoying all of this amazing ego boosting these compliments are giving me and this place  is  a quick super easy dose of emotional feel good crack. It’s like constantly feeling you are hot, no KNOWING you are hot.  This confidence spills into all areas of your life.  But  like any great drug, it gets more difficult to recreate on demand, you begin to need more or need it more often.

A few days pass…

I created my account because I wanted control of  my pics and when I could do them, how I could do them, what I would wear etc.. I basically became my camera person but the Husband would often still assist if asked.  I would share with him whenever I put a new post up and he could see it and what others were saying about it.  Though I could already tell he was growing tired of how often I wanted to take and post pictures.  He wasn’t  jealous of the attention I was getting at this point,  just of my growing need and want to do them.

Now before I go any further I need to tell you how it works.  Pretty quickly we are moving to  Gonewild  chat rooms  and GW pics still go on during the chat era.    GW pics and how well ranked they are is  currency in chat world.  Chat social status can assist greatly with the popularity of your GW pics.    I wasn’t going to live a fantasy life and not play to the best of my ability.

Reddit/r/gonewild

Posting to Reddit Gonewild: NSFW means NOT SAFE FOR WORK, these are largely breast, penis, and vagina pics. Lots of some version of posed full body or story like albums and most of them don’t show a face, but many do. Some are more tame and some are not. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list.  Someone  could write a Phd paper on this whole  journey from a social studies perspective.    Even while living it I found this world and all of its  social, relationship, sexual rules and scenarios   simply fascinating.   In some ways it’s like utopia, until reality comes in and fucks it all up.

  1. Submitters to gone wild are supposed to only post pics of themselves, if they are posting of others they MUST have their permission
  2. You must be  18 to access the site to either view or post, you prove this by clicking an I’m 18 button
  3. Submitters are usually using a “throwaway” account and have one if not multiple other Reddit user accounts for the “legit” stuff. I never bothered to create a non GW Reddit account. Anonymity is the norm around here.
  4. Submitters are required, and the site is moderated and has posted rules,  to put a tag (f), (m), (mf), (cd) etc.. in the title of your submission to properly alert the site viewers of what they will be seeing if they choose to click
  5. As with all Reddit posts, there is an option to either up vote or down vote the post itself and any comments left on the post to indicate your feelings of approval or disapproval.  These up and down votes are then put through some complicated algorithm and given to the poster or commenter as karma.
  6. Said karma is listed on each users profile page, indicating how popular, sexy, whatever their posts are
  7. The upvotes cause the submission to either climb or fall along the pages, another algorithm ranks the posts and puts them in order.   The best place to be is of course, the front page for as long as humanly possible while gaining more and more upvotes or Karma.  Since it is partially based I  “think” on original karmic status , post trending and post age, everyone  starts out lower, then climbs a little , then stays on top as long as possible if lucky, then falls off into oblivion as newer posts are put up.
  8. All of these posts (that are not deleted by the user shortly after, which happens a lot)  stay on the site, so you can look at things like top posts of all time, last month, last week etc.
  9. The karma on some of these single posts climbs upwards of 1000, which actually  = more than 1000 up votes, because bots and trolls down vote the posts causing said karma ranking.
  10. You can also find ALL of a users submissions and any comments they have ever made anything on Reddit. You can friend and follow them.
  11. When a user gets a comment  reply to his/her comment, or a private message they get what is called an orangered, aka, the little mail icon lights up orange red to indicate you have some comment reply or message.
  12. Karma and orangereds were of value to  me, I liked getting and seeing both
  13. GW comments are OFTEN used as a place to flirt more and flirt back, it is a sex site after all.  And remember, comments can be upvoted and gain karma so some people  are really clever or good at commenting. They try to be funny, or suave, or overtly  flirty. And often the submitter flirts back and eggs this on.  I  used to love this game. Bantering back and forth is one of my strengths and here in fantasy land I’m very very good at it.
  14. You can also  send email like private messages back and forth between users accounts. This would later prove to be the beginning of my undoing.
  15. There is also the variable of does the Significant Other SO know about the submitters activities, and also are they also in GW.  This variable also applies to chat.

More next Thursday



Why I started this blog

The first time I can remember someone suggesting or requesting memoirs was my senior year in High School.  It wasn’t the last time I heard it.  In June 2011 I posted a Facebook Status wondering who should be in charge of destroying my journals when I die.  More than one comment read “I  want to hear those stories”.  I took the plunge and started  this  blog,  I hope you enjoy the adventures and beautiful disasters of my past and present that shape me.