Almost Divorce part 22.5-Oops I forgot an important point

To further prove my point that I  need to get the writing of this story over with, I am starting to forget big important plot points.   Things I needed to remember to add in and had previously planned. There are two things I forgot to add when I originally wrote this morning’s post. One I included in the next post, which I have already written and it is scheduled. And this one I need to circle  back to before the next post hits.

Right after PJ dumped me I was really sad.  I spent a lot of time reflecting on how I felt about him.  Wondering where our relationship might of gone if we had actually worked out.  It was clear to me that we weren’t going to ever be together. I certainly wasn’t waiting for him to change his mind or trying to get him back.  He had ended it so rudely, badly, abruptly and left no room for any of that.  this wasn’t we are trying to stay away form each other, this was it is over. I’m sure I spent time online, pretending to be invisible or sometimes busy or sometimes green.   I’m sure I was looking for his green dot or cam to show up, reading what his status updates said, watching what songs he was  showing me he was listening to.  There may of even been some messages alluding to me being missed, I honestly don’t remember.  I even forgot what I am about to tell you because my mind  has moved past forgetting the little things and is now laying waste to the bigger stuff.

Within 2 nights  I worked up some resolve and when I saw him  on G-chat I said… I will now loosely paraphrase our chat that evening….

Lola: I just want you to know that I could of loved you.

PJ: I’ve already been at that point.

Lola:  For how long?

PJ:  I have kept it to myself for some time now.

Lola: You realize that just makes this worse don’t you?

PJ: Yep

That dude did just tell me he loved me….right?   He never says it outright, he never says it again, and I flat out never  said it period.  Whenever we pick back up again we fall back into the I adore you’s, I’m not even sure we ever said an I more than adore you after that.

After that conversation it wasn’t on again. I was back to letting my husband and friends know that PJ and I were over.   But I walked away from that exchange thinking I had just been told that boy was in love with me, had been for a while and was just too big of a pussy to let a girl know.

Which puts a little more emphasis on the part that comes next…