Facebook Fubars; The good, the bad and the ugly!

Very recently I had the pleasure of sending this message to one of my newer Facebook friends.

“Hello-Do I actually know you? I’m sorry to be so blunt, but recently I fubared FB on my phone and let it search my entire phone database and friend request anyone it matched a phone number to. That has in turn made awkward conversations like this possible. So, AB. How do you know me? Best, Lola’s real name”

This  round of FB Fubar fun has been going on for several weeks now.

One thing I have learned about FB is that it likes to trick you into making as ass of yourself to everyone.    The bad news is without FB,  your ass of yourself making talents would only be on display to those actually involved.  The good news is, this FB feature generally applies to everyone at some point, we have all been there.  I have been there 3 times.  Let me first admit something.  I am one of those people who vacillates back and forth about how I feel regarding my privacy and Facebook.   Sometimes I don’t really care how many people from all areas of my life see what kind of fun I’m getting myself into, and sometimes I don’t even want to be found.  I have only 1 rule about FB, ABSOLUTELY NO COWORKERS!!!!  I have only broken this rule once, and I have enough dirt on Rock Star to not be worried if he sees I am liking someone’s pics during work hours.    I am also one of those people who goes through and occasionally nukes the ever living hell out of my friends list.  These events usually correspond directly to where I am on the privacy…need some… scale.   Do not take this personally if it happens to you.  If you miss me in your life simply friend request me, I’ll assume you’re down for whatever ride I’m currently on and life is good.  Same thing the other way, I don’t see my FB friends number as  ANY sort of meter as to my success as a person or a friend.   At the same time I don’t think it is anyone’s business who else I am friends with.    Sometimes this makes me say to myself:

“Crazy lady, you write a blog on the internet that is so full of your business it almost bursts. More than one person has told you they can’t drink things while reading it.   If you tell them about your FB privacy “issues” people are going to go, “But you write a blog…on the internet…”

Yes, I absolutely do write this blog on the internet. It is under a pseudonym, but honestly, it isn’t that hard to figure it out and find me if someone really felt the need.   The flip side of that,  is it provides a buffer for that gray zone of awkwardness that could come from someone new who knows me finding it and having a horrible reaction.   If you know me, you know me. If You don’t, you can find me and see if you can get to know me. And  if you know me, you can still pretend you didn’t find this and I will never be the wiser.   I don’t write it for anyone’s approval but my own, but it is really really nice when people like it, and read it, and call me to tell me they like it and read it.   That being said, there are still people I don’t feel need linked to what I share of my private life on Facebook.   Consequently most of my Fubars revolve around just this thing.

Fubar #1 was the good old Facebook tricks you into inviting everyone in your email contact list to be friends with you.   This was when FB was still fairly new and not quite so widely used.  Even though I’ve had an account forever, I didn’t really start using it until more of my Mommy friends were getting on there and My Space. My space was awful for me. I stayed on Facebook and patiently waited for people to move over.  It’s kind of that way for me now with Google + and Facebook.  I’m on Google+ patiently waiting for my FB friends to make the move over.   It was pretty painless, I think it added only a few people I had to dump for various too far removed an acquaintance reasons.

Fubar #2  was different, and funnier.   Once back in the Summerish of 2010, my profile picture was some dudes penis.  This is how that happened.  I was sitting at my home computer during the work day screwing around of FB when I should of been working on my work laptop right next to me.   Hey, at least I wasn’t naked and on camera.  This was after I’d gotten out of chat altogether and Pj was still in GWP.  I’d also recently gone through my computer and deleted a rather large collection of dick picks sent to me by various past GW suitors of all kinds.  I’d saved only the best, most recognizable,  belonged to men I was really into  pics.  What? A girl has to have her porn.  I was single after all.  Anyway I was changing my profile picture on FB and then something happened. When I went to look on my computer for the file I wanted to upload I came across a thumbnail of a random penis.  This was not special, recognizable penis. This was who the heck’s weiner is that penis.  And yes,  I did. I clicked that picture and away the upload went.

So here it is, the middle of the day, early afternoon I think.  And I have several issues.  One is that FB has already added the new thumbnail of my new  penis friend to the Lola and 5 other friends changed their profile pics today, post.   It has also already added the larger, more visible, LOLA CHANGED HER PROFILE PICTURE, post. And of course it has also already updated my profile with my friend’s  frank and beans.   I have to fix this and fast, and I have to do a risk assessment and fast.  First things first.  I manage to change my profile picture to something new  quickly.   I go into my profile and delete the post from the initial peen  coming out party.  I do a quick check to see how many of my FB friends (it’s sitting at about 200 at this point, down from 300+ in early May) are online and who they are.  Are they gonna be cool or not?  Then I get a message from one of  6 people that are on.  “I think your account has been hacked”, she says. You might want to check it.”  I type/sputter back some random nonsense about taking care of it while I am laughing so hard I’m about to pee my  pants.   It funny for more than one reason.  It’s funny because I’m sometimes such a nut about privacy and Facebook.  It’s funny because it is a picture of a penis, and it’s funny because it is me! I can almost always laugh at irony when I find it aimed at myself.   It helps to keep me humble and real.   I managed to get the picture deleted and I finally breathed easy 3 or so hours later.  And I did another full sweep of my computer that day corralling and nuking more of those darn white, brown, and spotted tokens of lust and affection I’d collected from the GW boys.

Fubar #3, mentioned above has a back story.   When I went from 300-200 friends that May, I was cleaning out all of The Husbands friends and family in one fell swoop. While I was doing that I used th e opportunity to clean out those I thought either didn’t need to see or wouldn’t approve of the train wreck of my life that was about to be on display as soon as people found out A- I was getting divorced and B- That he was leaving me.    I went through the summer and into the fall burning more bridges and meeting new friends.   I am not good at deleting all my contacts out of my phone.   Fast forward……….one day a few weeks ago FB tricked me into looking at all the phone numbers in my phone and asking anyone it matched in it’s database to be my friend.    I posted a status update about my fubar.    This fubar is chock full of practice handling yourself in awkward situations galore.  This was potentially going to result in some stepping out of my current comfort zone conversations.   I first had to think quickly and figure out how to un-request people like certain ex friends and my mother in law.  then I had to figure out how to find and  track recently added friends so I could keep track of who was coming in as my + climbed.   Most of the immediate  dumps were easy, but a grey area started to emerge.  The Husbands friends, some of who had also been my friends.    None of whom I’d let back into my life or my inner circle in any way, and we have been back together for about a year now.  One of them reached out to me honestly and just said “Hey, I saw what you did and just thought I’d ask you if I was part of that.”   We had a short honest adult mature conversation about it.  I admitted that is exactly what I’d done.  And that I had been reticent to add any of The Husbands friends back.  He said this to me.  Up to you. I understand how it could be uncomfortable, so if you need to keep that fence up for now, I understand, no hard feelings.  I  think I cried.  I decided to take the plunge and leave him on.  I even decided to leave on a few others that came  into the FB friends list.   It’s helped me move a little bit further toward the good parts of the old life we had without sacrificing the new life we are making.  I’ve kept a lazy eye  on my friends list since then to make sure no one else inappropriate stays in.    It’s embarrassing because I’ve racked my brain trying to figure out who AB is and how I know them.   I finally had to succumb to needing to know who is looking at pics of my kids over feeling silly sending a how do I know you FB message.



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