Almost Divorce: PJ and the Delusional Girl aka DGPosted: 2011/11/01
This series is published once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
A timeline can be found here
Lately I’ve been a bit anxious to move this along a little faster. You may see some additional posts for a while. Plus this story is super easy to write and my time is super short these days. I’m sure there are some parts of this story I will get mixed up or out of order, I’m going from my personally colored memory. It’s been over a year since these things happened, it is hard to always remember the details of what goes where, and I’ve gained a lot more insight to the situation as time has passed.
DG, still haunts me. I think she was his real life girlfriend at some point. I feel very sorry for her.
The Delusional Girl got introduced to me very early. When PJ was still at school he was talking to me on g-chat in the studio. There had been some bullshit slung about him planning to start a project called curves and curls. It was pretty hot and heavy but he wasn’t going to be heading home anytime soon. It was the last month of school, he taught undergrad art classes and was in his first year of art Grad School. We were discussing some naughty fantasy involving the studio and the shower late at night. He mentioned her first, telling me she was there. I teasingly suggested a trist between the two of them. This was early and the rules were different. We had no emotional claims on each other, we were just fap buddies still discovering how much we liked being together. He said ” No, she hates me. Besides she had her chance.” I took this to mean something happened between us and didn’t work out well. Or I asked her out and she said no, and it’s awkward now. I didn’t think a thing of it, I didn’t care.
Little bit of time passes. PJ is still at school and he tells me he and DG got into a fight, at school. It seems she often screws (metaphorically) him on office hours. She was to cover for him or they were both supposed to work or something and she just didn’t show up. He tells me shortly after it happened, that he told her ” If she was going to fuck him she should pull his hair a little because he likes that.” My first reactions to this news are as follows. A- PJ likes his hair pulled during sex, good to know. B- You fucking did and said what; to DG, who is a woman, and you did this while at your place of employment and study?
“What did she say?” I asked. “I made her cry”, he said. Ya think? I wondered.
I was a bit taken aback. That is the behavior of a guy who cannot control himself. That is the behavior of a guy with anger issues. That is a pretty severe reaction and handled in a really douchy way. This sounded nothing like the guy I spent time with. I don’t remember the details but I am quite certain we had a conversation about my feelings on the topic. This was before lunch. I remember he worried about what the Department Chairs would say and do discipline wise. He told me he got a lecture and had to apologize, but that he had already apologized before they told him he had to.
This is probably the point where I delved further into this topic. Something didn’t make sense. This is the story I was given over time.
PJ, DG, and D all work as grad student teachers at art school. They are all friends. And they are all friends with S, D’s girlfriend, soon to be fiance. D and S live in PJ’s apartment complex. PJ talks openly to D and S about me, they know who I am and what we are to each other. I mentioned before about how PJ had to travel for work sometimes. It seems these were recruiting trips. It also seems that this fine college institution believes that grad students are adults and allows them to share rooms when they travel together. D isn’t really a fit to speak in front of people, so the recruiting trips were left up to DG and PJ make, often together.
Later in the summer I explain very clearly that if he and I are together in the Fall, it is not ok for him to share a room with female grad students when he travels. He tells me he will talk to the department chair and make it clear he is no longer planning to be single and it won’t be an issue. I think he might of even claimed he had the discussion and they were planning on sending DG and the one of the new grad students, the one from his first trip to Chicago and our first e-date, on those trips.
OK so when PJ and DG first met, he was fresh from his fiance, with her for 5 years, dumping him. They flirt, but nothing ever really comes of it. I have been on the receiving end of PJ’s flirting. It can be intoxicating. He tells her he isn’t in any shape to get into anything. But they all continue to hang out together all the time. Then one trip they are in a hotel together, they have separate beds. It is his birthday. She climbs into his or on top of him or some such thing and offers herself to him for his birthday. He says he threw her off of him, there may have been some previous drinking involved, and went and got his own hotel room for the rest of the weekend. I know every one of you is reading this and going…sure he didn’t bang her… but it certainly explains the hate doesn’t it? He claims he has never even kissed her, he has never told her he wanted to be with her. She is just a friend and a girl he works with that is still mad at/into him and he doesn’t even liker her all that much because she is crazy.
I wasn’t pleased with the angry violent outburst when he made her cry. But I let it go. It was early and I was only considering him for my boytoy, not my boyfriend . We were still in the playing and learning about each other phase. And he came to me to talk about it and vent. I didn’t start going WTF again until a little later in the summer.
PJ moves home and has given me the real life Gmail address. One night he has a stern warning for D on his Gchat status. D is going to get it and PJ isn’t laughing. DG had called PJ’s home phone looking for him. Turns out she just Googled it. That’s strange, I thought later when he gave me his last name. When I Google you I get nothing in that town. I don’t get your Dad, your Grandma, nothing. It is a small town and you guys have supposedly lived there for years. She called him and wanted to talk. It started out ok, then ended in a fight.
There is a weekend where he is excited because D and S are coming to visit. Apparently DG has weaseled her way into the weekend. Something happens and S and DG go home early in S’s car. S is supposed to have the talk with her on the way back to school that she needs to lay off. At this point I’ve had enough. I need to talk to you about DG, I tell him. Something isn’t adding up here. Why does that girl think and feel the way she does about you. She is crazy, he asserts. No baby, no girl is that into a guy without some clues that she thinks it is ok to be. I need to know more. I ask more questions about when they hang out together, all four of them, as friends. He claims she is always trying to make it a couples thing, but that he never bites. We discuss this some more. I tell him he sure seems to be surrounded by delusional women; DG, the ex. I ask if I am one of those women. No, he tells me. You and I have discussed being together, DG and I never have.
At some point in time PJ gets a summer short haircut. I ask him who cuts his hair and school. Holy cow it is DG. WTF, I ask him. You let her cut your hair? Don’t you think that is a pretty intimate thing to allow a girl you aren’t into to but is really really into you to do? This is when he tells me about his habit of not saying anything if it is going to be uncomfortable and just letting girls think what they want. You can’t let her cut your hair anymore, I tell him. That’s unfair to her. You also need to set her straight, it’s is unfair to her that you aren’t doing it. Later he tells me he has discussed this with S and she agrees with me. He reaches out to her and sets up a time when they are going to talk on the phone. While it is happening he is driving. It starts out ok, but then she starts a fight and he gets pissed off and throws the phone out the window of the car on the highway. When are you getting a new phone?, I ask. I’m not going to get one for awhile he tells me.
I am unsettled. I am super glad he has set DG straight, because I’m planning on having to meet and be around her soon. But what a total fucking douche bag thing to do throwing the phone out of the car window. He knows I want him to call me. He knows he has told me, I’m going to get my shit together, and as soon as I do I’m going to call you and it will be from area code (123) and I will hope it can still be my time. I mention it in the moment as a, I get what you really did here, note. I must of been in the desperately optimistic skepticism part of our relationship. Later in time he admits it was a crappy move to pull.
The last thing I heard about DG was that they had made sure to separate their offices back at school for the coming fall semester. This is when he was still pretending he really went to that school.
That school is less than an hour’s drive away from my home. I have been there many times, mostly in my 20’s. I have both ex- boyfriends and best friends that went to that school. There is a chapter of my sorority there and it is the closest one to me should I ever get crazy and decide to volunteer. And I have some very found memories of time spent there. I haven’t been there is years. One day I’ll take a drive up and give that campus a good 5 miles of my time. I bet it is pretty right now with the leaves turning.