Almost Divorce- Part 13 And then it happenedPosted: 2011/10/06 Filed under: Ramblings | Tags: my personal catfish story 2 Comments
This series is published once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
A timeline can be found here
The soundtrack for this portion of the story will come exclusively from Jimmy Eat World Bleed American Deluxe Edition. I am keeping it simple and early.
It was an early weekday morning in April. I’d been mostly sticking to GWP chat since State Foods had gotten an invite to GWP and I could just hang out with him there. I’ve written about how public can be a train wreck, but in the early mornings public was different. It was sparsely populated, almost always by the same 10 or so people, and for me was a very hang out before it’s time to work and start the day vibe. On this particular day I had a meeting at a set time, and I needed to run it. Sometimes I’d stay on camera while I did this. It was very common then and probably still is now to have people on cam that aren’t really actively participating in the room or its conversations but are still there. In the rooms people on work, gaming or sleep, cam were just about as common as shower or fap cam.
Almost exactly 22 weeks later it would end, but on this day it was just beginning. Before it was done I would send hundreds of pics and emails, about 7 audio files, 3 videos, and log thousands of instant messages and cam session minutes. In return I would walk away with about 10 pics, zero audio files or videos, about maybe 20 emails. Yes, I was aware of this difference in attention as I was doing it. Somehow I was still compelled to keep giving. I loved him, I absolutely was choosing him over my husband, to take a chance with him by my side on what we could make of a life together. It honestly would not have mattered what he really did, or where he really lived, or where he really went to school. If he had been actually single and actually willing I would of given it a shot to see where it went.
I remember nothing about what was going on before I noticed his cam. He was sitting there on his couch with his face in view. I remember I was kind of talking in chat roll and my first reaction when I saw him was, oh my, who is that? He was just plain gorgeous ( aka dark and hairy) and smiling and flirting with people in the room. He had this sexy scruff on his face, it was almost always in that state. As he talked and flirted I watched and participated. Apparently he had been a feature of public in the mornings for a while. How had I missed this? I wondered. There was talk of him losing his shirt or some other such thing but I had a meeting to run. I Pm’ed him to inform him that he was not allowed to take his shirt off until I could watch when my meeting was over. There was a little banter back and forth and I backed up my Pm ascertain with a public chat roll of ” emore has to wait until I am done and can watch”. During my meeting his cam went away and I thought, oh well. Then another cam popped up of a close up fap cam . I got a few glimpses and then the fap cam went away. That was followed by a Pm from him telling me that the fap cam was his under a lurker name. We started talking like real people and then either he or I went away.
Every time I saw him we’d Pm and talk along with flirting in the chat roll. I don’t think it got very “serious” until the morning he was draped sideways over his couch arm just staring with that yummy face into the cam while watching the room. I said something along the lines of “Stop staring into my eye s PJ, everyone else can see and they are going to get jealous”. It never went back from there.
I started talking to him more via Pm and getting up earlier and earlier to see him in chat before he left for work. Soon into that we started making plans to meet in the public room for lunch. We would sneak off to another self created chat room just for the two of us and we would cam and mic up while we ate and talked. It was usually only about a 20-30 minute date. He was a very busy Art School Grad Student and Prof, at a school he said was not so very far away from me, and the semester was over at the end of the month. I met him at the busiest time for his job and life, but still he sought out and made those 20 minutes for spending with me. We would usually talk about what the next day looked like for each of us and make plans as to what time we each would be in the room. I don’t remember the exact details of when we moved from Reddit messages and meeting in chat to discussing how we might email each other. I do remember I had to kind of talk him into the whole emailing with me thing. He had established that he had been around lurking since January, had caught my Superbowl pics, and just started camming up and talking in late March. He knew who I was when he met me the first day. That is how having r/gonewild pics on Reddit boost your social status in chat. The guys already know who you are and have judged you by your pics. I was often asked “do you have any pics on gonewild? What is your Reddit name”. I digressed a little but my point is that according to PJ, he had been mostly just lurking, then flirting and hadn’t done any camming with anybody but one really sweet and nice girl. She just watched him, didn’t show or offer to participate. ( I don’t care how many girls that boy has watch him on the internet for the rest of his life; I promise you he is picturing them all with my face while we wonders at his own stupidity.) As we were navigating how to accomplish this new need for access and increased closeness, I said “you could get a gmail and then we could chat on there”. He said “I’ve never had a gmail, I don’t know how I’m going to do that because I don’t want to use a real email addy”. This was normal, I was using my Lola account, that no longer exists. I hadn’t shared my real information with people outside of AJ, JJ, and State Foods and later The Friend, The Runner and the Big Guy. Anonymity is common, expected and accepted in GW.
Side note- We are at the point in this story where I can’t possibly link all of the appropriate references to things I’ve already written about. I’m going to try to keep them to a minimum.
He also traveled for work, part of his job was to go interview new art school grad candidates. The 2nd week he had to go to Chicago for one of those trips. We were on gmail together by that point and had also been seeing each other in the pub room at night while I was in home office with hubby and just hanging in chat. I don’t think the physical part had gone much past some boob flashes during lunch and mornings at that point. But I really don’t know for certain. I’ve seen his penis so many times that when we did what for me was not really noted or tracked, minus a few stand out examples to be written later. I’ve often wondered if I’d kept a tick marker of the number of mutually naked cam session we had in 22 weeks how high would the number go. There was a time when I could of researched and obtained that number, I think I was afraid that if I did it would be something as devastating as 10 or 200. It was probably closer to 50.
What I do know is that the 2nd Friday I knew PJ, The Husband was out with the guys, PJ was at his cousins house on his way back to school from Chicago and had his laptop. All he had was dial up but through pics, emails and G-chat with no cam we managed to have a pretty good Friday night “date. I recorded the finale on my iPhone and put a drop up on r/gonewild of the audio. We were not at the point I was screaming his name for him yet, and I had already established audio files on my Reddit account. I remember feeling badly later because the drop had his Reddit name in the file name and now everyone in chat knew it was him I’d been spending that time with. Neither of us us minded this, but it did start some drama with a girl who thought every boy was “hers”. He was quite popular. His name in the drop didn’t hurt his street cred with the other guys either. He told me he started getting questions from guys about being with Lola. Starting that next Monday we would meet in chat in the morning, socialize a little with our friends, (I loved our small group of morning chat friends), then sneak off alone together in g-chat and cam for a little or long bit, then head back to the room or on with our day. We’d talk and flirt via IM all day. If we met for lunch it was alone on g-chat, not in the rooms. We had to be in the rooms if we wanted to see each other at night b/c of the rules I was supposed to be following.
I remember telling The Husband that I had a new pet, and that I really liked this one. PJ and I got along very well, it was easy for us to talk and bond/share as we got to know each other and became closer. Within twoish weeks it was clear that there was real chemistry there beyond parts ogle swapping, which is funny because that almost didn’t happen. I almost dumped him before it even got that far. There were 3 times in a row that we cammed and I didn’t finish. It wasn’t that he went first and then was a jerk and left before I could. There was just something about camming with him that wasn’t getting the job done. I was in it for the playing, if I couldn’t enjoy the playing, I didn’t see the point in continuing on with him. He had already told me where he “really” lived and established that he was no further than an hour away from me, just up the road a bit. I had a lengthy conversation with my soul mate bestie and discussed getting rid of him.
“I just don’t think I’m that into him, I think I may be over it”
“Yeah, three times in a row, you’re over it. I don’t know why you let it go on 3x in the first place, don’t you usually dump them after once like that”
“Maybe I just need better or more dirty talk, he just isn’t very good at that at all”
“I think you should ditch him”
But he was close by. Could he be groomed into a fuck buddy for real? Perhaps he could. Red flag number one, I think I am in a calm spot with my marriage and everything is going to be ok, and as soon as I find a hot young Greek stud I think is within 50 miles of me I want to start sexing him on the side once a week. Gosh maybe we really do have some big problems here. But I kept those thoughts to myself. I certainly had not shared that thought with PJ yet, I was still trying to decide if I was dumping him out of the stable.
I didn’t dump him, instead I sent an email about how play time wasn’t really working out for me and gave some suggestions about what I needed to be better/different if I was going to continue with him. He quickly complied and the next cam session we had was quite successful. He got better at writing me stories and at the dirty flirting and we quickly fell into a pattern as GW fap buddies. This early time in our relationship is probably my favorite. Things were still mostly unsullied by lies, though the school one came first and quickly, and we were in that getting to know each other and talking about everything under the sun and sharing our daily life stresses and stories place. It was far more personal and far more chemistry charged than it had been with any other guy. In all fairness if it hadn’t been PJ, it would of eventually been someone. This story is full of examples of how I can meet and make friends and bond with them. We really clicked on an intellectual and personality level. Our senses of humor meshed well, our views on life and relationships seemed to match up. We could talk easily and intimately for hours. If he had been real, we could of been anything we chose for each other. In that moment we were simply GW fap buddies who supposedly lived close to each other and were definitely coupled online.
I’m pretty sure in my head this meant I do what I want, with who I want, but he doesn’t do anything with any other girls. At least I am consistent in my selfish dominance. It was MY stable with a waiting list after all. And there was a little drama when PJ was taken to the “front of the line” with no application process. We simply scooped each other up, or so I thought.
More to come next Thursday
- Flirting on Social Media (xxfactor.wordpress.com)
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