Almost Divorce- Part 12 Studs in the stablePosted: 2011/09/29
This series is published once a week on Thursday’s. Or you can start at the beginning here
A timeline can be found here
It was a weekday morning in early April.
I’m kicking myself right now, because if I’d been smarter and nuked less I wouldn’t of had to actually write the how I met PJ story. At some point in time in our GW relationship PJ and I were asked in pub chat to tell the story of how we got together. Whatever he hid from me, we have long established I will never know. But the face he gave to the online world was one of absolute adoration, affection and angst for yours truly. I remember pulling the chat roll for saving. I tried to hold on to any bits and pieces of him that provided some clue as to WTF he was doing/thinking, to get me through the times that my conviction to chaining my heart and life to waiting on him waned, which was often. In my head it was a chat roll full of PJ telling the “How I met your Mother” story, obviously I was deluded. We were quite the openly loving couple and often spent time socializing in the chat rooms. In the early days we would pull ourselves away from alone time to go spend time with our friends. In the later days I’d go looking for a glimpse of him in chat, hoping that might lead to a conversation which might lead to him actually ringing my doorbell to be my large Greek boy toy partner in crime. Right after he sexed me repeatedly for days like no one ever has or could again of course. At least once on cam for the room to finally see. During the relapse I played the creepy, prove you are not PJ trolling me, game with dude after dude that PM’ed me too much and got too sweet and complimentary, or seemed to know me a little too well but wouldn’t get on cam in the room. But that is a story for later and a time evenutally owned by the Big Guy.
So…..it is early April. The Husband and I have been going to marriage counseling for a few months. We don’t know our dude sucks gigantic donkey balls, so we try to make our joint visits productive and truly work on whatever it is for the next time. In hind sight neither of us were doing a very good job at anything other than trying to convince the other one that everything was going to work out fine while trying to do as little as possible to change ourselves and as much as possible to change each other. If things can work out fine when the wife is on the internet every chance she gets and some of that time is spent naked letting boys ogle her parts while she ogles theirs; and the Husband is putting the guy in sleeping with the enemy or that CSI episode where the cable dude hides in the ceiling creeping through little holes he punched and eventually jumps down to smother the poor girl with a grocery bag, to shame all while enabling his wife to keep doing that she is doing. The Husband participated in chat and cam activities more in the beginning, and then occasionally as time progressed, and then of course did not. He had just been to Vegas for a long weekend about 3 weeks prior. He’d had some sort of panic attack heart episode while there. Probably from reading all my emails back and forth between State Foods and I.
Oh wait… It’s going to be a week or two before we get to PJ. I want to tell you about the guys who came before him, because none of them were douche bags.
State Foods and I met in public chat, had talked and flirted lots but never hooked up. To be honest I was very into flirting with him, and did it whenever I saw him but not in a full force kind of way because he didn’t seem overly into it. I had no need to seek dudes out, the second I got to chat I got hit on and it didn’t stop until I left. The ones I made the effort to hit on were purely because I wanted them specifically for my stable. It was full of guys of various levels of intimacy. This was a known fact and there were often chat roll jokes and PM jokes about the application process to be in my stable, or how can some dude cut the line. Hell yes I ate this up and worked the hell out of it. My strengths are hair, eyes, nipples and personality. I preferred to have at least one go to regular guy, the prize studs if you will. The prize studs were often guys I chose to pursue in some manner. Whether by being very open to their advances and conversation or by letting them know on my own that I was interested specifically in them. I’ve never been one to wait for the force or the universe. I am my own force. If I want something I go for it and I wanted State Foods.
Side note: Cupcake Red Velvet wine is really good, I’m drinking some now while iTunes plays through Bleed American, when I get sick of it I’m moving to Invented. PJ sure gave me some good music. Hard to hate that lovies, hard to hate that one bit. Parts of this one are really good.
State Foods finally hit on me the weekend The Husband was in Vegas. I was fairly taken with his body and looks. Do you really have to ask? Tall dark and hairy bitches. He is tall dark and hairy! And British, which means there is at minimum a 6-7 hour time difference depending on what time of the year it is. And it also means he is aloof, though not so much once you get to know him. He is the guy who told me I was stubborn to the point of obstinate. He is correct.. sometimes I am. My 2-4 times of seeing him in public chat over the course of several months somehow magically paid off the weekend The Husband was in Vegas and I had permission to play because he was gone, we had discussed this prior to his leaving and he blessed it.
I talked last week about GW relationships burning white hot at the beginning. They do, to the tune of 65 emails in ONE DAY between State Foods and I, all short and to the sex point, all being read by The Husband. State Foods and I were newly hooked up and looking to fuel that into more hook ups for playing. Husband had a panic attack which earned him a trip to the heart hospital in Vegas for several days while I was far far away able to do nothing but hope his friends would handle this properly. Once he got home safely and soundly we had some amazing sex and I took a series of pics of our legs entwined for r/gonewild with the title referencing Snow Patrol‘s Chasing Cars. My husband had been 1000+ miles away in a hospital for 2 days and I had been scared and worried. When he got home all I wanted to do was show him how much I loved him and never let him go. This love bubble lasted for a few weeks and also provided me with the advantage of being able to play with State Foods outside of approved hours because of the time zone difficulties and The Husbands leniency on the rules. State Foods and I grew bored/annoyed with each other lusting wise (burns white hot, law of diminishing returns.) while simultaneously bonding personally. After a few weeks of white hot lust, which quickly waned due to lack of real emotion beyond friendship or physical contact, I found myself looking to replace him. I eventually replaced him with PJ. But before I did that I was enjoying a time of renewed closeness with The Husband. We seemed to have finally mastered the skill of having uncomfortable and potentially anger ridden discussion in a mature adult manner. We were in what we thought was a fairly positive place that was headed in the right direction for our marriage. GWise things were starting to look under control. It really wasn’t at all in that great of a place, but it was surely better than it had been. Lovers are very capable of delusion and denial. Especially old lovers clinging to their lives and the lives they have made with children. We were even planning and building the first raised beds of my garden. At some point very near the tail end of State Foods and near the beginning of PJ The Husband and I had actual bed sex on cam in the GWP room. Complete with audio and snuggling after.
PJ once told me in an argument that ” I had to watch you having sex with your husband” . Was it those tender moments of intimacy he witnessed that bothered him; or the more often performed, my tits bouncing in the cam while being nailed from behind, view that Public and GWP chat had been repeatedly treated to. Given his declarations in JUNE that he had loved me for some time but kept it to himself, I think it must have been the intimacy he witnessed. It is comments of this sort that make him such a puzzle to me. I mean, how do you make shit like THAT up. The depths in the layers and details of the lies is what is unfathomable to me. I simply chose to stop processing and cataloging them at some point and give it a blanket everything was a lie. Which is the nexus of why I sometimes am still haunted by him. The crux of why I willfully call my Misguided Ghost away from his attempted puppetry when he gets his ego bruised, or bored and attempts to stir some shit up. The difference between then and now is that I actually have desire and capacity to keep her at home, where before I let her wander and live in his world of Get Him to the Greek Jeffrey mind fuck bullshit. He’s not MY asshole (anymore) lovies, he’s just AN asshole.
More to come next Thursday.