Almost Divorce- Part 2 Craig’s List

This series is published once a week on Thursday’s.

Earlier portions can be found in Prologue and Part 1

Oh Craig’s List, the cesspool of easy hooking up and dick pics right next to selling your daughter’s Barbie Jamming Jeep.  Multi-tasking for naughty/bored mommies.   I had no idea what to expect and I’m a project manager by trade.  So of course I did what any good PM would do.  I did some project planning and analysis prior to pulling the trigger on execution.    Where there any suitable options with ads already posted?  Umm, NO. Actually most of them went like this…”Fat , old, creepy, smelly dude with no job wants submissive woman to blow me whenever I like and expect nothing in return”  or “age/sex/height/weight/teeth/no matter, if you have a Va-JJ I’d like to hit it”  Can you say HERPES!!!   I’m horny but herpes is forever.  I’m really not trying to slam on CL, but it is rightly so  one of the  skankiest levels of sexy-time seeking on the internet.   You KNOW what you’re getting into when you go there.  So don’t go there lovies.  Well clearly the caliber of FWB I was looking for was not posting an ad , perhaps I’d need to write an ad.    Thank goodness I had read all those fine ads  full of romance and sexual decorum and had been able to ascertain  the  basic gist of how this all appears to go down.   I am a girl and there fore EVERY email I get in response will be from a boy and not a bot.  This whole process moves from “hey you know what we should do right now..we should put an ad on CL for  FWB, that sounds like a solid plan”.  To “submit” in less than it took Peyton Manning to kick someone’s ass that night.   Less than two hours from “huh to heyyyy”.   Can you say impulsive? I had  just entered into full on Project Mode.  I love a good satisfying project, if I don’t have one in my life at all times I have  search them out.   Even if it’s a  bad idea,  if my mind is set to it  I am seeing it through and only I can stop me.   How easy it is to put it down or learn the lesson the hard way is  dependent on the prize at the end.   And I prize love over everything else…even in spite and because of this journey.    But right then lust was driving the crazy train to sexy town.

I put up a wordy ad listing all the basic “rules”  and set up a fake email account to start managing all of this.   You know, because I have tons of time in my already stressed life to take on the  FWB project.  And then the responses start to come.  That ad was up on CL for no more than an hour, on a Sunday night, at like 9:30 PM.  It kept getting flagged b/c I said I hated Tom Brady, stupid Patriots Fans trolling on CL.  And reason, guilt, anxiety finally kicked in at some point and I just left it down.   That one hour generated over 50 responses from dudes looking to hook up.    In addition to the standard barrage of creeps,  guys looking for submissive women (move along douche-bags, #Imnotthatgirl)  and weirdos  there was:

• The 50 year old wife looking for a FWB for her 35 year old husband.   He was aware she was doing this for him and had been looking at various ads and sending the hubby pics etc of ones she thought would be ok.   I mention this one because later when I was convinced I wanted to be with PJ, who was 25  to my 39,  I thought of this couple.  I am all for whatever works for your marriage, but this one made me a little sad.
• The professional job married dude who had  a steady FWB for 4 years, but she was moving and he needed a new one.  He had ALL KINDS of advice about how to conduct myself and not get caught.   Which he was only to happy to continue sharing with me even after  he sent a face pic and I wasn’t interested.   This one made me sad for the wife. I didn’t want a FWB who was married.  Ironic I know, but I was OK taking the risk of ruining my own marriage but didn’t want that to spill into someone else’s.

Over HALF of these responses are from dudes in their 20’s.  This is the first time I learn that women my age are like CRACK to boys in their 20’s and early 30’s.  This theme would repeat itself over and over again.   If I was single today I could still get more 25 year old dick that I ever could at 25.  And I did not have issues getting laid at 25.   Who knew all the guys my age  when I was in my 20’s were actually foaming over the “older” women at the bars we would always look down on because we were younger, still thin and cute ?    Go figure.  And BTW younger girls, DO NOT discount these  Women. I have been on both  sides of your perspective and I  am here to inform you that you are not even yet half the woman you will grow to be if you can  keep even half  your shit together. So start working on loving yourself; until you do you won’t ever get to enjoy what I have now.  And I want that for you.  40 is fabulous isn’t just something older women tell themselves to feel better lovies.  40 REALLY IS FABULOUS.   Also, plenty of dudes like girls with padding like mine and  I was 20+ pounds heavier back then.    The right attitude complements any size body.

Managing these responses and having these conversations takes time, and lots of emotional energy.  I was at the start of becoming very focused on solving my “problem”, of getting what I wanted and fixing/filling that something missing, unsettled feeling.   The attention itself was somewhat satisfying, and it was “fun” to be so sought after and to have so many choices, even if they were all bad ones they were still choices.   I’m getting all caught up in this and then I get caught four days in.   The Husband decided to check the internet browser because I was acting weird.  The one I didn’t hide because he trusts me so much.  I cannot  find proper words tell you how horrible it feels to be laying next to the man you love literally being able to feel the hatred and hurt seething from his every pore.   We would later go on to get used to hurting each other but this was  opening the wound.   Thank God I am at least self aware and manage to choke out through many sobs and tears what I think my issue is and what it was I thought I wanted.  Just new dick once or maybe every once in a while,  it was just about the excitement and lust.   I needed more sex than I was getting.  Thank God he didn’t leave…yet.

Over the next few weeks  we openly  discuss everything under the sun that is both inside and outside traditional sexual roles and activities in a marriage.  Some of them we agree we don’t want to or can’t do,  some of them we  argue/negotiate  over for several weeks because I want to at least try them and he signed up for just the two of us and isn’t interested in changing that.  We discuss going to a marriage counselor but The Husband dislikes and distrusts therapists, he at this point still think he has no issues from childhood  of any kind.  So we don’t go yet.

Instead he had an idea we both wish he hadn’t to this day.  That idea was to go to Reddit’s /r/gonewild.  This site is  NOT SAFE FOR WORK  NSFW.

More to come next Thursday.